So far, we have seen both the PURPOSE and the PATTERN for every marriage. Last week, we identified the PROBLEM with every marriage: sin. Every marriage now lives under the curse of the fall. Women are assertive, men are either passive or dominating, and both partners are selfish and proud. Death comes forward as a great enemy that will end every marriage. And as we read through the pages of the Old Testament, we see the ripples of sin in marriage as God’s pattern is further distorted through polygamy, divorce, adultery, homosexuality, and the dilution of gender roles.
This presents us with somewhat of a dilemma: If all marriage has been marred by the fall, how will it ever display the covenant love between Jesus Christ and His people? How will it be redeemed? Can it be redeemed? Scripture’s answer is a resounding “YES!” Remember that God promised a Redeemer the day the curse was declared, One who would destroy the serpent’s work (Genesis 3:15). 1 John 3:8 identifies that One as Jesus Christ.
Colossians 1:20 says that through the blood of Christ’s cross, God is reconciling “all things” to Himself. That includes marriage. God redeems marriage through the gospel. But He doesn’t just redeem it through the gospel; He also does so for the gospel. What God wants to do through the gospel is to lift marriage out of the mire of the fall and use it to display His covenant love for His people.
Today we are going to consider how God redeems marriage through the gospel and for the gospel and what that looks like when it is fleshed out. We are going to call God redeeming marriage through the gospel something that He does vertically and God redeeming marriage for the gospel something that He does horizontally. The Christian life is both a vertical and a horizontal experience. The vertical/horizontal experience that I am thinking of is the one Jesus used in John 4:14 and John 7:38 of a spring/fountain that is constantly full and overflowing. Jesus described conversion here as Him placing an everlasting, satisfying spring within us that would fill us up and overflow. Vertically, it is us experiencing God’s covenant love by grace through faith and horizontally it is that covenant love overflowing to others.
In other words, displaying covenant love should be the overflow of a regenerated heart. The grace of Christ should overflow into every relationship that we have. Now this is applicable to every relationship that we have, but nowhere is it more important than in marriage because of the unique purpose of the marriage relationship. If there is anywhere that we should see the grace Christ’s covenant love displayed, it is in the home.
1) The Vertical: Covenant Love Begins and is Sustained by God’s Grace being Extended to Us
If we had to find a word in the Bible to encapsulate the way that God’s covenant love is expressed to us, it would be in the word, “GRACE.” God’s expression of His covenant love for us and our experience of that covenant love are summed up in Him lavishing His grace upon us. So marriage then should be full of grace if it is going to display what it is meant to display. But here’s the catch: it is impossible to truly express the type of covenant love that we are talking about without first experiencing it for yourself. In other words, there is no overflow from an empty well. Let’s consider just a few passages to see why I am saying this.
i) Ezekiel 36:22-27
“22 Therefore say to the house of Israel, Thus says the Lord God: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am about to act, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations to which you came. 23 And I will vindicate the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, and which you have profaned among them. And the nations will know that I am the Lord, declares the Lord God, when through you I vindicate my holiness before their eyes. 24 I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries and bring you into your own land. 25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. 26 And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. 28 You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God.
There are two points that I want to make from this passage. First, I want you to see that it takes a new heart to begin obeying and to keep obeying God in the way that we are supposed to. It will take the indwelling of the very Spirit of God. This is the blood bought obedience of the cross that is a reality in the life of every believer. The second thing is that God is doing this solely by His grace and for His glory. They are not receiving this grace because they have been such a good people. They do not deserve it.
ii) Ephesians 2:1-10
“1 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his GRACE in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
It is very important to see both what this passage says and what it doesn’t say. It tells us who we were apart from Christ: dead in sin, slaves to Satan and this world, and hostile to God. It also tells us how that reality changed: because God in His grace made us alive. It doesn’t say that we turned over a new leaf at some point, started being good people, and so God then made us alive. He lavished His grace and love upon dead, rebellious enemies who were under His wrath. Why am I making such a big deal about this? It is because thinking through just how much God’s grace overcame in your own life will make it much easier to express this grace to your spouse. Your anger towards your spouse is nothing compared to the wrath of God that was pointed toward you, and it was overcame by His grace. Piper says that we should let the measure of God’s grace to us in the cross be our measure of grace to our spouse.[1]
(1) Philippians 1:6, 2:13
We also learn from scripture that expressing covenant love is something that must be sustained by grace. This is the implication of Philippians 1:6 and Philippians 2:13. Philippians 1:6 tells us that it is God who is bringing to completion the good work that has begun in us. Philippians 2:13 tells us that it is God who works in us both to will and work for His good pleasure. So we are utterly dependent upon the grace of God both in the ability to display this love in the first place and in the ability to continue to display it.
2) The Horizontal: Covenant Love is Displayed and Cultivated by God’s Grace being Extended by Us – Here is the OVERFLOW OF GRACE
i) Displayed:
(1) Ephesians 4:1-3
“1I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
We are commanded to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord’s calling upon us – with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit. This is a call to Christian UNITY. Where is this more important than in marriage and in the home?
(2) Ephesians 4:17-32 –
17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
(3) Philippians 2:1-5
1 “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,”
(4) Colossians 3:1-21
5 “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming. 7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. 11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (See 2:13-15 ) 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
ii) Cultivated:
I said that covenant love was also cultivated by this overflow of grace. Here is what I mean by that: as our spouse begins to overflow the grace of God toward us, that display of covenant love causes us to fall in love with them. Romance begins to be rekindled where it was thought to be lost. Why should this display of grace cause us to fall in love with them all over again? It is because when my wife begins to respond to me with this overflowing grace we have seen, she begins to remind me of someone. She begins to remind me of my Savior. So I begin to fall in love with her all over again because she is displaying the beauty of my Savior me.
I think this is one place you really find out whether someone in a marriage is truly a believer or not. When a spouse begins to display covenant love and grace to you and you don’t find that attractive at all, I have to conclude that you very possibly don’t have a new heart. As long as there is single breath in a believer’s new heart, it will be drawn to the beauty of its Savior. My prayer today is that if you have never encountered this amazing covenant love of Jesus Christ and been made alive in Him, that you would come to Him in humility and faith today. And if you have, my prayer is that you would humble yourself before Him in faith and utter dependence in order to see this reality of overflowing grace in your home.
[1] Piper, John, “This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence.” Pg. 46
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