Monday, September 26, 2011

Divorce & Remarriage: Matthew 19:1-9, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

I heard a story this week about how our smart phones are not always that “smart.” It was about a college girl whose parents proudly had their first iPhone and could now text. One day she received a startling text from her father, "Your mom and I are going to divorce." In tears she called home, only to find the truth: the "smart phone" had completed the “d” word for them. The message was meant to be, "You mom and I are going to Disney."

The reason we laugh at such stories is because of the reality that divorce is no laughing matter. The pain of divorce is crippling and devastating. It is devastating to the two people who thought they were going to spend their lives together. No one (except for maybe celebrities) has divorce in the back of their minds on their wedding day. It is even more devastating when there are children involved, as the pinnacle of a stable relationship crumbles before their eyes and they become the victims of cruel custody battles and power plays on the part of broken parents.

Statistics tell us that approximately half of all marriages in our country end in divorce now and depending on who’s survey you look at, those numbers are about the same among professing believers. After some thought on those numbers, my conclusion is simply that there are a lot of professing believers who aren’t believers. When you consider that there are approximately 16 million professing Southern Baptists and only around 4 million of them attend church on a regular basis, it’s pretty obvious that there are a lot of professing believers who are not believers. It’s my contention that even though Christians are not immune to divorce, the numbers should be a lot lower among genuine believers. But since half of marriages do end in divorce, this issue needs to be addressed among the professing people of God and the Scriptures are not silent on this matter. And since we are wrapping up this series entitled, The Glory of God in the Homes of His People, it is an appropriate time to deal with this topic. So from Matthew 19:1-9 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16, I want to make the following four points about divorce and remarriage.

1) Scripture’s View of Marriage is One of Permanence (Matt. 19:3-8, 1 Cor. 7:10-13)

The Pharisee’s question (19:3) is intended to trip up Jesus concerning a debated concession for divorce in the Old Testament found in Deut. 24:1-4. This passage doesn’t actually prescribe divorce, but seeks to regulate the existing practice of it. The religious leaders of Jesus’ day had taken the passage and used it as a prescription for divorce, saying it was something that Moses had “commanded” (19:7). The debate surrounded what the “indecency” was that a husband could divorce his wife over in Deut. 24:1. There were two major schools of interpretation here, that of Rabbi’s Shammai and Hillel. The following quotation from the Mishnah illustrates the difference between them: “The school of Shammai says: A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her…And the school of Hillel syas: [He may divorce her] even if she spoiled a dish for him…Rabbi Akiba says, [he may divorce her] even if he found another fairer than she” (Mishnah, Gittin 9.10). The majority of Jesus’ contemporaries held this latter, very liberal view, which basically made it very easy for a husband to divorce his wife and leave her completely unprotected and un-provided for in their culture.

Jesus responds in a way that explodes this type of thinking and lifts marriage above either one of these views. He sidelines the debate over Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and goes right to the heart of God’s original design for marriage to begin with in Genesis 2:18-25 (19:4-6). In pointing to this passage, Jesus is teaching that what God was doing in the first marriage was establishing a pattern that He expected every marriage to follow. Part of that pattern was for the marriage union to be permanent. God’s design for marriage from the beginning is one man and one woman for one lifetime. Jesus states that marriage is more than just a human agreement, it is a divine union that is not to be separated by humans (19:6). We must begin any treatment of divorce here by establishing clearly that the Bible does not advocate divorce. It is a deviation of God’s original creation design (19:8). Paul expresses this same view of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:10-13,39, saying that a husband or a wife is “not” to divorce their spouse because in God’s eyes, “a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.”

We too live in a day and culture where there is a very low view of marriage and a mindset that anyone can get a divorce for any reason. Our culture not only views getting a divorce for any cause lawful, but also as being easy and cheap. If you were to simply google the word “divorce,” you would see that cheap and easy divorce opportunities abound with sites like “divorcewriter.com” where you can get a divorce for only $149.00 “fast, lawyer-free, and 100% guaranteed.” If that is too pricy for you, you can go to “easydivorcekit.net” and only spend $29.95. There are even gender friendly sites like “divorce4her.com,” where you can have “fast and cheap divorces done right.” Divorce should be anything but fast and cheap. Our generation needs to hear the words of Jesus proclaimed that when two people get married, God is joining them together as “one flesh,” and no human being is to separate what God has joined together.

2) Scripture Only Grants Two Instances Where Divorce & Remarriage is Permissible. (permissible, not required)

Having established that the Bible’s design for marriage is that of permanence, we need to examine the two reasons that the New Testament seems to give as legitimate instances where divorce is an option. Let me start by saying a few things to clarify what we are going to see. First, these two instances are not to be seen as a license for divorce, but are meant to show how serious the marriage union is. They are serious instances that only make divorce permissible, not required.

The second thing I need to say up front is that while what I’m going to show you is the majority view among conservative, Bible-believing Christians (as well as my own), it is not the only view. There are some other views on what these passages are saying, mostly in the direction of less and less room for divorce and remarriage, not more. I’m not going to explain them all to you because it would take a lot of time and to be honest, I just feel like these passages are pretty plain in what they are saying.

The third thing I want to say is that we need to remember that divorce and remarriage are separate but related issues. The reason I make that statement is because though we are lumping them together, one should not automatically assume the other. And in cases where a divorce is not permissible, someone getting divorced and then remarried would be committing two sins, not just one.

The first instance in which we see divorce being permissible is in the case of “sexual immorality” on the part of one of the marriage partners (19:9). The Greek word here is “porneia,” which is a broad term that refers any sexual immoral act that would defile the one flesh marriage union. Jesus says that anyone who divorces their spouse and remarries on any other grounds is committing adultery, which would imply that if someone is getting a divorce on these grounds and gets remarried after such a divorce, they would not be. In the Old Testament under the Law, a spouse who was sexually unfaithful was supposed to face capital punishment (Lev. 20:10, Deut. 22:22). This is an instance where one spouse commits a sin so heinous against the other that is disrupts the one flesh union. As Paul says, a person who commits sexual immorality is becoming “one flesh” on some level with someone who is not his or her spouse (1 Cor. 6:16).

The second instance found in the New Testament where divorce and remarriage are permissible is a very unique situation that we find in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. After explicitly forbidding divorce and remarriage for two believers who are married (7:10-11), he then addresses the situation of a believer being married to an unbelieving spouse. Let me clarify something here as well: these are probably not situations where believers had married unbelieving spouses. These are situations where, as the gospel penetrated a pagan city, one spouse would respond in faith to the gospel and the other wouldn’t, which created a very tense situation in a pagan, idolatrous culture. Paul instructs believers to remain with their unbelieving spouses if their spouse is willing to continue being married, but says that if their unbelieving spouse leaves them, that they are not obligated to seek reconciliation with them. He then says in 7:15, that “In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” Because of the context and flow of Paul’s instruction, I take that to mean that they are not enslaved to what two believers in the same situation would be, which is to either remain unmarried or to be reconciled (7:10-11). God has called a believer in such a situation to peace, not the lifelong vain hope of trying to be reconciled to an unbeliever who’s abandoned them as well as the lifelong prohibition against ever enjoying the blessings of marriage to another believer.

In short, you have two situations here, one of heinous betrayal and another that is beyond a believer’s control. These instructions, I believe, are meant to protect the innocent party in both situations. That is important, especially in the case of a woman who had been cheated on or abandoned. She would be placed in a very precarious situation and these two exceptions provide her with opportunity to seek another spouse to provide for her. And again, these are two situations that make divorce permissible, not required. Even in these two situations, forgiveness and reconciliation should always be sought after until it becomes impossible, because here we are displaying Christ’s love in a powerful way, which is ultimately what marriage is meant to do. Also, I just want to repeat what we saw a few weeks ago in 1 Corinthians 7:39: that even though remarriage may be permissible, a person will be happier single and satisfied with Christ alone if they can remain so.

3) Scripture Condemns Any Other Instance of Divorce & Forbids Remarriage, Calling It Adultery.

Matthew 19:9: “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” These are some sober words for many people today. I would like to read a few other passages of scripture at this point and my prayer is simply that we would feel the weight of how serious the marriage union is to be taken. Matthew 5:31-32: “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Mark 10:11-12: “And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Luke 16:18: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” Romans 7:2-3: “For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.”

Now I want to say two things here. I don’t believe the Bible is saying that a person who gets remarried after an illegitimate divorce is living in a perpetual state of adultery, only that they committed adultery in entering into another marriage. Also, I don’t believe the Bible is saying that the marriage that they are in now is not valid. In passages like Deut. 24:1-4, God seems to recognize the new marriage once it is established. My hopes here are not to crush anyone who has had an illegitimate divorce and has been remarried now. But I believe that you do need to have an honest time of confession and repentance, and part of that repentance needs to be making your present marriage work by God’s grace. I hope this does however, serve as a sober warning to those contemplating divorce for unbiblical reasons and to those who have been through such a divorce that their options are reconciliation with their spouse or remaining unmarried.

4) Scripture Declares that There is Life After Divorce and Hope for Marriages that are Failing in the Gospel.

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Neither is adultery. But they are devastating and they are acts so heinous that they place us under the wrath of God. And so are the many other sins that we who will stay married commit every day. What we all need to hear today is that God has provided a remedy for this problem. Listen to the words of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11: Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” On the cross of Jesus Christ, every ounce of punishment that was due me for my sins was meted out. God’s wrath was satisfied and I became washed, set apart, and declared righteous before God in spite of my sins. Here is where hope begins.

The Bible also declares that for those whom God has redeemed, He has also given new hearts that enable a radical new obedience to Him (Ezekiel 36:26-27). This means that if your marriage is failing, the gospel offers you all the grace and empowering to love an unlovable spouse and to joyfully suffer and honor God even when it is hard. I believe that only Christians can truly fight for their marriages. Only Christians can truly honor God and display Christ’s covenant love in failing marriages and see their marriages redeemed. I believe this because what the Bible demands of marriage is something that only a person with the new heart that the gospel gives can experience.

If you are the innocent victim of a divorce, I hope that you do not carry the guilt, bitterness, and unforgiveness that the gospel calls you to be free from. Even in the wrongs committed against you, you can confidently say that God was at work for your good and His glory. How can you say that? You can because He did not spare His own Son to make you His (Romans 8:28-32). Walk in that truth.

I would say that the greatest tragedy in divorce is how it warps the covenant commitment and faithfulness that the world is supposed to learn about Christ and the Church. I’ve said this many times in this series so far, but Jesus Christ has been the most faithful husband to the most unfaithful bride in all of history. The church is made up of nothing but people who are spiritual adulterers to their Creator. It is His love and mercy and grace and His covenant commitment to us that is changing us. That is what the world is supposed to witness when they look into the homes of God’s people. A people who are being radically changed by a God Who is unwavering in His covenant commitment to them and who are experiencing and expressing that covenant love, mercy, and grace to one another. That is how God intends His glory to shine forth from the homes of His people.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Match Made in Heaven: Genesis 24:1-28,50-67

We are nearing the end of our series entitled, “The Glory of God in the Homes of His People,” and so far we have looked at what the Bible says it means to be married, a husband, a wife, a child, a parent, and even a single person. Last week we saw that singleness is a gift from God that it is to display the all-satisfying sufficiency of Christ. What we haven’t looked at yet is how two people are to fall for one another and go from being single to being married. While this is normally called “dating” in our culture, what we are really talking about is simply how God puts two people together for His glory. There is great need to have the Bible speak to this issue in the church today. To do this, we are going to look at, the story of how God put Isaac and Rebekah together in Genesis 24, which was truly a match made in heaven.

One of the reasons that I saved dating until now is that I wanted what we would say about dating to be flavored by a high, Biblical view of marriage. We needed to establish this view of marriage so we could see why some of these principles are so important. Now if you are married, know that this message is for you as well because you play a crucial role in guiding your children and grandchildren in finding the person that they will spend the rest of their lives with.

Now before we look at how this passage speaks to how God desires to put two people together, we need to remember the context and the redemptive historical backdrop of this passage because this passage is not ultimately about dating. What is going on at this point in Genesis is that the perfect world that God had made has fallen apart. In Genesis 12:1-3, God initiates His plan to redeem this fallen world by calling a man named Abram to Himself and promising to make a great nation out of him and to bless all nations through Him. What you have as you read the life of Abraham is this constant tension of how God is going to keep these promises that He has made to Abraham. And with every tension, an opportunity arises for God to show His steadfast love and faithfulness to Abraham (in spite of Sarah’s barrenness, in spite of their age, in spite of God’s testing, etc). In Genesis 24 we see another tension arise: there is no suitable bride for the son of promise (Isaac). So what is God going to do or bring about in order to make good on His promises that He has made to Abraham? That is what this chapter is about: God furthering the history of His salvation through perfect timing and faithful people. This chapter nicely breaks down into three sections: the father’s wishes, the servant’s mission, and the son’s wedding.

“[1] Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years. And the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things. [2] And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh, [3] that I may make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, [4] but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.” [5] The servant said to him, “Perhaps the woman may not be willing to follow me to this land. Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?” [6] Abraham said to him, “See to it that you do not take my son back there. [7] The LORD, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, ‘To your offspring I will give this land,’ he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. [8] But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this oath of mine; only you must not take my son back there.” [9] So the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master and swore to him concerning this matter.

Notice right away how involved the Father is in finding his son a wife. This is because there is a great difference between what we call “dating” today and what would take place in the Bible. Rather than our modern concept of “dating,” the Bible presents something called “courtship.” One big difference between dating and courting is the involvement of the parents of the people involved. The world of the Bible presents a completely opposite approach than we experience today, with parents often playing a much bigger role in two people getting married than the couple themselves. Now I know we don’t live in that day and time, but I do think that even though we don’t court in our culture, we can apply the principles of courtship. The first principle would be:

1) Honor Your Parents (In Who & How You Date)

Here this would mean that you should identify and involve people in your life (parents) that you can filter potential people through. One of example of how this worked out in my life was that I simply asked my parents to write down a list of qualities that they would like to see in a future spouse for me. It was a little awkward, but my mother took the time to write me a letter expressing some things that she valued in a future spouse for me. They were all reasonable things that I was able to take and look for in a person. She didn’t pick my wife, but I was able to honor her in who I sought relationships with and eventually married.

2) Keep it in the Family…of God.

The second thing that we see in this passage is that Abraham was adamant about his son not marrying a Canaanite woman (3). He makes his servant swear on this and that he will seek a bride for Isaac from his own family (4). The reason that Abraham is so concerned about the Canaanite women is simply this: they worship other gods. Abraham knew that a woman from his family would possibly be a godly woman because in Genesis 31:53, Terah and Nahor are said to worship the same God that Abraham does. This same truth is seen in the New Testament: 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” A believing man or woman is to only to marry “in the Lord(1 Corinthians 7:39).

This is probably one of the biggest pitfalls I see when it comes to people in relationships. The Bible is clear that for a Christian, dating someone who isn’t a Christian is just not an option. It’s disobedience to Scripture. And this is not just a pitfall in the people in the relationships, but one for their parents as well. If you love your children, you have to protect them here and investigate people who want their affection. Investigate them not just by their lips but by their life, because many unbelievers know how to play the game.

[10] Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and departed, taking all sorts of choice gifts from his master; and he arose and went to Mesopotamia to the city of Nahor. [11] And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at the time of evening, the time when women go out to draw water. [12] And he said, “O LORD, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. [13] Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. [14] Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.”

3) Make Dating a Matter of Prayer

Dating is serious because you are going to marry someone that you date! I’ll go even further than say that I think it would be wise to only date people that you could potentially marry. If anything should be on your prayer list, it should be this subject. Pray specifically for the right kind of person. Don’t be ridiculous, but be specific. Pray that God would guard your own heart from idolizing relationships and people and from the dating the wrong people. Notice too that Isaac nor Rebekah are even the ones praying here. Have others pray for you here. Parents, are you praying for godly spouses for your children?

[15] Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, came out with her water jar on her shoulder. [16] The young woman was very attractive in appearance, a maiden whom no man had known. She went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up. [17] Then the servant ran to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water to drink from your jar.” [18] She said, “Drink, my lord.” And she quickly let down her jar upon her hand and gave him a drink. [19] When she had finished giving him a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.” [20] So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels. [21] The man gazed at her in silence to learn whether the LORD had prospered his journey or not.

[22] When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel, and two bracelets for her arms weighing ten gold shekels, [23] and said, “Please tell me whose daughter you are. Is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?” [24] She said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor.” [25] She added, “We have plenty of both straw and fodder, and room to spend the night.” [26] The man bowed his head and worshiped the LORD [27] and said, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his steadfast love and his faithfulness toward my master. As for me, the LORD has led me in the way to the house of my master's kinsmen.” [28] Then the young woman ran and told her mother's household about these things.

4) Know that Beauty Fades, and Character Remains

This passage is calling great attention to Rebekah’s character. The servant’s prayer is about a character test that he would employ. She’s the first girl out to the well. She is extremely hard working (10 camels: 25 gallons a piece = 250 gallons!). She is a virgin. She is hospitable, and praise the Lord, she’s good looking too! She is portrayed as a woman of virtue.

Another thing that should guides us in finding a mate is this reality that character and godliness are more important than physical beauty. None of this is saying that being attracted to someone isn’t important, but let’s be honest, that’s the easy part. The hard part is keeping your attraction in check so you can pray through this other stuff. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to be beautiful outwardly, but it is more important that they be beautiful inwardly because beauty fades, but character remains.

So now we jump ahead a little in our story. Abraham’s servant goes to Rebekah’s family and rehearses this whole situation and then they respond: [50] Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, “The thing has come from the LORD; we cannot speak to you bad or good. [51] Behold, Rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master's son, as the LORD has spoken.”

[52] When Abraham's servant heard their words, he bowed himself to the earth before the LORD. [53] And the servant brought out jewelry of silver and of gold, and garments, and gave them to Rebekah. He also gave to her brother and to her mother costly ornaments. [54] And he and the men who were with him ate and drank, and they spent the night there. When they arose in the morning, he said, “Send me away to my master.” [55] Her brother and her mother said, “Let the young woman remain with us a while, at least ten days; after that she may go.” [56] But he said to them, “Do not delay me, since the LORD has prospered my way. Send me away that I may go to my master.” [57] They said, “Let us call the young woman and ask her.” [58] And they called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” She said, “I will go.” [59] So they sent away Rebekah their sister and her nurse, and Abraham's servant and his men. [60] And they blessed Rebekah and said to her,“Our sister, may you become thousands of ten thousands, and may your offspring possess the gate of those who hate him!”

[61] Then Rebekah and her young women arose and rode on the camels and followed the man. Thus the servant took Rebekah and went his way.

[62] Now Isaac had returned from Beer-lahai-roi and was dwelling in the Negeb. [63] And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. And he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold, there were camels coming. [64] And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel [65] and said to the servant, “Who is that man, walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself. [66] And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. [67] Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.”

5) Trust the Sovereignty and Omniscience of God

Has this masterful, romantic tale not been a story of divine providence? All of these things that appear so coincidental remind us of a great truth: there is no such thing as coincidence. God is providing a bride for the promised son. He is showing His steadfast love and faithfulness to Abraham (24:14,27). That’s what this chapter is ultimately about: a God Who abounds in steadfast love and faithfulness to His people, Who works all things together for the good of those who are His. He is the hero of this love story. He is showing Himself to be a God Who can be trusted. Wrapping your mind around the sovereign goodness and omniscience of God can radically shape your dating life. It may be one of the most important truths that you can ever let saturate your heart.

Why do I say that? First of all, because most of you know what it is like to have been in a relationship that you regretted. We’ve known what it is like to have been with someone whom we have wanted but didn’t need (Jer. 17:9). Well guess what? God can give you someone that you want AND NEED. Many people settle for what they want when it’s not what they need and end up with someone they don’t want or need. The second reason that you must let the sovereignty of God saturate your heart is that there are too many things that you can’t control. Just think of all the variables in this story! At the most basic and yet profound level, the issue is this: can you trust God to show His steadfast love and faithfulness to you in His time?

In closing, we need to remember that God puts the best relationships together, not us. This passage is about a God Who is sovereign and will provide, a God Who can be trusted. He is a God shows His steadfast love and faithfulness to His people in working all things together for their good and His glory. Do you believe that about Him? It makes all the difference in the world. Do you believe that God knows not only what you want but what you need and when you need it? Don’t you want that?

Dating, like every other area in our life, is really an issue of faith. Do we really trust God? Do we really consider Him faithful? Think about Abraham’s faith in the first part of this chapter. He’s willing to risk everything on the fact that God will provide a godly spouse for His son. He won’t let Isaac leave the promised land and He won’t let Isaac marry a pagan girl. That makes for pretty slim pickin’s! Abraham knows that there is no such thing for the people of God. There is only provision, steadfast love, & faithfulness.

Rebekah’s decision to forsake everything was much more than a decision to go marry Isaac. It was an act of faith in the God of Abraham. She doesn’t know Isaac from Adam! She has every reason to stay and only one reason to go: she has heard the story of the God Who called Abraham to leave his family and country and how He has promised to fix this broken world through Abraham’s descendants. And now she has learned that the God Who is writing a greater love story wants to write her into it. In forsaking everything to follow the promised son, she is demonstrating her faith in the God of Abraham.

This love story is pointing to a greater love story. God designed marriage to display the love between Christ and the church, so is it any wonder that in a story of God’s working to put two people together we would see this breathtaking analogy of the gospel? What am I talking about? This is the story of how the father sends forth his servant to secure a bride for his son. This reminds us of the story of the gospel. The Father has sent His Spirit into the world to gather a bride for His promised Son, a bride who was far away, not geographically but because of her sins. To reconcile her, the Father didn’t just risk everything; He gave everything: His only Son. If you are a believer, then you remember that there was a day where you had to make Rebekah’s decision to forsake everything and follow the God of Abraham. That was the day God wrote you into this greater love story. And if you are not a believer, know that God has brought you here today because He wants to write you into the greatest love story ever written as well. Will you do like Rebekah and forsake all in faith to follow Him?

Monday, September 12, 2011

Single & Satisfied for the Glory of Christ (1 Corinthians 7:6-9,17-40)

Well, so far we have spent some time talking about the family unit in this series. We’ve devoted a lot of time to the marriage relationship because it is foundational and we have also spent some time exploring the parent child relationship. I know that there are some of you who don’t quite fit into that “normal” category of the family unit. I want to say thank you for your patience as we have addressed some of these things in this series and I’m also happy to tell you that your day has come! Today, we are going to talk about what it means to be single. This is a series about God being glorified in the homes of His people, and according to statistics, a little less than half of those people are single. Not only is it important for you to know a lot of these things that we have talked about so far, but it is also important for you to have a good understanding of what it means to be single during this season of your life from the Scriptures. For that reason we will spend a couple of weeks talking about singleness and dating.

In my experience, singleness is not typically something that is celebrated here in American church culture. It has a very negative stereotype. Andreas Kostenberger has some very insightful words concerning singles in our culture: “Post-adolescent singles are probably the most overlooked social group in the contemporary Western church. While larger congregations typically do have “college and career” ministries (some of which seem to operate at least in part as church-sponsored dating services), and while the topic of singleness occasionally engenders a brief chapter in a book on marriage and the family (witness the current example), for the most part singles have been marginalized within the modern church. To most Western Christians it appears self-evident that marriage is the normal state. Therefore, when a post-adolescent single is found within the body of Christ, many well-meaning believers view it as their Christian duty to locate a compatible mate for that individual.

Moreover, when someone does remain single well into his or her twenties and thirties, either by choice or by circumstances, many people being to try to diagnose the problem (be it sexual orientation, physical appearance, intellectual ability, social ineptitude, unduly high standards, or other factors) that has trapped the single person in the unnatural and undesirable condition of being unmarried. It is probably no exaggeration to say that the thought that singleness could be an acceptable permanent state has not even occurred to many people in our churches today. What is more, the only call of God that Western Christians fear more than the call to missions is the call to a life of celibacy.

Given the fact that 46 percent of the U.S. population over the age of 15 was single at the beginning of the twenty-first century, the neglect and distortion of the state of singleness by the Western church is anything but justified. Although most will eventually marry, statistics indicate that a growing number will never do so, and many who do will find themselves single once again because of divorce or the death of a spouse. For these reasons, and in light of the fact that many of the heroes of the faith have been single (including Jesus) – not to mention the scriptural teaching that singleness can be a gracious gift of God (Matt. 19:11-12, 1 Cor. 7:7) – the contemporary church stands in urgent need of reappraising its stance on the issue of singleness.”[1] That is exactly what we will seek to do today as we examine a passage that profoundly exalts true contentment with Christ alone and single-minded devotion to Him. From this passage I would like to point out three truths that are important for both married and single people.

1) Both Marriage & Singleness are Gifts from God (7:6-9)

What Paul is simply saying here is that even though He wishes that all people were single like him, not everyone has the same gift that Paul has. Some people receive the gift of singleness and other people the gift of marriage, and not all people get the same gift. So how does one know if they have the gift of singleness or not? Well, if you never get married, that is certainly one way to know, but Paul does give some insight here into part of what this gift looks like. He seems to imply that people who receive the gift of singleness are able overcome sexual temptation through celibacy. In other words, I take how Paul is describing people who need to get married in 7:9 to imply that people who do have this gifting experience great grace in overcoming sexual temptation. On the other hand, people who receive the gift of marriage overcome sexual temptation through physical intimacy with a spouse. Paul calls people who are made for marriage people who have trouble exercising “self control.” (7:9). Paul says in 7:36 that such a person sees that their “passions are strong,” and that marriage “has to be” (they have a sense of moral and physical necessity to get married).

Now one more thing I want to point out about this truth is that even people who are given the gift of marriage experience the gift of singleness for a season. No one can say, “It’s OK for me to commit sexual sin because I don’t have the gift of singleness.” If you are single, you have it at least temporarily and are just waiting on a gift exchange! This means that any single person (teen, young adult, engaged, divorced, widowed) should practice celibacy and model contentment with Christ until God in His sovereignty brings someone along to consider marrying.

2) Both Marriage & Singleness are Divine Assignments to bring Glory to God In (7:17-31)

Paul says in 7:17, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.” He will go on to repeat that instruction in 7:20, 7:24, and 7:26. The first thing to notice about this instruction from Paul is that God gives every believer a divine assignment. All Christians have been given a divine assignment in life. For some it is circumcision (being a Jew), for some uncircumcision (being a Gentile), for some it is slavery, for some it is being free. For some it is marriage and for some it is some form of singleness (being single, engaged, divorced, widowed). Sometimes the assignment gets modified. The bottom line though is that each of these assignments are a sovereign calling from God (7:20,24) in which we should seek to bring glory to God. The idea is that we are to bloom where we are planted and that these assignments are the pots in which we are planted.

Now just in case you are wondering about this, saying that God has a divine, sovereign assignment for every believer doesn’t mean that God approves of things like slavery, divorce, etc. And it also doesn’t mean that God is responsible for the evil choices that individuals make as part of that assignment. Genesis 50:20 is helpful here where Joseph tells his brothers that what they had intended for evil, God had intended for good. There you see Joseph being given a divine assignment (betrayal, slavery, imprisonment) in which there were many circumstances that God did not approve of and is not responsible for, yet intended for good. Joseph’s part was to bring God glory in that divine assignment. I think that Paul is saying something very similar here, that all of us find ourselves on different assignments in life in which God in His wisdom saw fit to bring about for our good and His glory and that we are to bloom in those places that we are planted. That means that married people should seek to bring God glory in their marriage (husbands modeling Christ-like love & servant leadership; wives modeling helpful submission). That means that single people should seek to bring God glory in their singleness (modeling contentment with Christ; preparing yourself for marriage).

The next thing that we see here is that every believer should seek to bring glory to God in his or her assignment with a sense of urgency. Why do I say urgency? Paul says here that there is a “present distress” (7:26) that we’re living in and that it should flavor our attitudes towards marriage and singleness and he goes on to say things like, “Don’t seek a spouse if you don’t have one. Let those who have spouses live as though they had none. Let those who deal with the world live as though they had no dealings with it.” What does he mean? He doesn’t mean that anyone who is single should not seek marriage and He doesn’t mean that a husband should not act like a godly husband to his wife, but I think he does mean that people shouldn’t make things like marriage the major pursuit of their life. Why? He says it is because we live in this “present distress.” What is the “present distress”? It is defined in the passage here. Combine 7:29 and 7:31 and what you get is that Paul is talking about an “appointed time” that is coming very shortly where the “present form of this world” is going to pass away. We are living in the last days, and we should live with urgency in light of that reality and not be weighed down by “worldly troubles” (7:28). The time we have is short and we have a job to do in taking the gospel to the nations. Human marriage, as much of a gift as it is, is only a temporary reality. It is not eternal (Matthew 22:23-30).

This idea of living with urgency in light of the world’s soon end and Christ’s soon return is a major theme in the New Testament. Romans 13:11-14: “Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” 1 John 2:15-17: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions – is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” These passages are telling us to wake up from the slumber that this world has rocked us into and to start living in light of eternity. At the end of the day, human marriage is a temporary thing that belongs to the present form of this world that is going to pass away. If you are single, this should give you a whole new perspective on life. If you are married, I think that living in light of eternity will only enrich your marriage because it keeps your marriage from being the end game and makes how you can bring glory to God in your marriage with the time that you have the end game. This reality doesn’t degrade marriage; it infuses it with purpose!

3) Marriage is Good, But Singleness is Better (7:32-40)

Paul says that someone who remains single “will do even better” (7:38) and will be “happier” (7:40) than someone who gets married. Wow. That would have been a hard pill to swallow as a single guy in college. I remember thinking in college that I would be fine dying a martyr’s death or the Lord coming back very soon, just as long as I could get married to a woman and sleep with her first! I imagine that is what a lot of young, single Christians are thinking but not saying. And if you’re not, you either have the gift of celibacy or are lying!

So why does Paul call singleness better? I think two reasons are abundantly clear in this chapter. First, singleness makes one more advantageous for kingdom ministry. Now it is probably a good time to clarify that Paul is not throwing marriage under the bus in this chapter. Paul’s writings and the rest of the Bible has a higher view of marriage than we could possibly imagine and we should strive for balance here. In 1 Timothy 4:1-5, Paul condemns those who forbid marriage as promoting the teaching of demons.

Having said that, one can easily see practically this truth. Marriage does tie us to a different set of priorities and anxieties, does it not? If God calls a single person to some dangerous part of Africa tomorrow, they can transition into that call much easier than I could. And while there would be questions that would arise, the questions that would arise for me carry far more anxiety than a single person’s would. A single person wonders what moving to that part of the world and risking their lives for the gospel would mean for them; I wonder what it will mean for my wife, my four-year-old son, and my one-year-old daughter. I’m not just risking my life; I’m risking theirs as well. And there are fewer things that would haunt me more than the thought of my wife or my children suffering and being martyred. What’s more, what if I’m the one martyred? I leave a wife widowed and my children without a father. Is the cause of Christ worth that risk? ABSOLUTELY! The point is simply that a single person is much more versatile when it comes to the things of the Lord and how to please Him. They are able to live with an “undivided devotion to the Lord” in a way that married people with a family aren’t. Again, that doesn’t make married people second class Christians. It is just one practical reason that Paul calls singleness better.

The second reason that Paul calls singleness better is that singleness magnifies the all-satisfying sufficiency of Christ. Both marriage and singleness display something. Marriage is meant to display the covenant keeping love between Christ and the church. Singleness, I believe, is meant to display the all-satisfying sufficiency of Christ. It shows the world that Christ is enough; that Christ is better than a spouse, or children, or anything other thing that this world has to offer. Now that is a profound truth! And it is a truth that speaks to much more than being single doesn’t it? The all-satisfying sufficiency of Christ is a reality that all of us are to walk in because if we do not, we will begin to make things like relationships and sex and marriage and spouses and children and possessions into idols. What happens when your spouse dies? What happens when your children are taken away? What happens when you lose your possessions? When we understand the gospel we understand that all of those things are not places that we find our identity; they are gifts of grace that were purchased for us at the cross. When we understand the gospel, we understand that we were made for more than marriage. We were made for God and our greatest need in this life is God Himself. The gospel is the story of how the all-satisfying and all-sufficient God of the universe created us for Himself, to be satisfied with Himself forever. Instead of living with Him in infinite joy, we rebelled against Him and became a dead race of rebels who are sinners by nature and by choice. How does He deal with our rebellion? He humbles Himself and becomes one of us and fulfills all of the righteous demands that are upon us as a member of the human race and then, having committed no sin, suffers every ounce of God’s wrath upon the cross in our place! He dies in our place, for our rebellion and then rose victoriously in order to give us life again. He does all of this so that we can be reconciled to Him. He does this so that we can go from being and wicked and empty people to being eternally satisfied in Him and with Him.

Why is it so foreign to us to see Christ in such an all-satisfying way? This is what it means to treasure Christ, to see Him as enough. It means to see Him as better. It means to drink from the well that is HIM and to never be thirsty again. It means to say that we can lose everything, just not Him. And it means that everything pales in comparison to Him. We need to remember that being single and satisfied with Christ is where everything is headed for God’s people. There is coming a day where all believers will be solely satisfied in and devoted to Christ. And in my imagination, I see people who have tasted the gift of marriage on that day looking around, absolutely overwhelmed by the all-satisfying sufficiency of Christ. It’s at that point that I imagine the single people looking around at us and saying, “I told you He was enough!” They will say that to us because they have tasted it for a lifetime.


[1] Kostenberger, Andreas, “God, Marriage, & Family,” pg. 173-174

Redeeming Parenthood & Childhood: Ephesians 6:1-4 (Part 3)

Well, it has been some time since we were in Ephesians 6:1-4, so let me try to briefly review where we are in this series for the sake of our regulars and our new comers alike. We are currently going through a series entitled The Glory of God in the Homes of His People. This series is aimed the home because we recognize that in our church and in our community, Satan is actively dismantling marriages and families at an alarming rate. So we have been digging into the Bible to rediscover what God’s purposes and principles are for the home and have been asking God to change the homes in our church with this teaching and to allow this teaching to be contagious good news that impacts eternity for the glory of God. We have spent a lot of time looking at the marriage relationship between husband and wife and have now moved to a focus on parenthood and childhood as well. We will look at some issue concerning singleness, dating, and divorce in the weeks to come, but I just want to encourage any new comers who are interested that all of the material that we have covered so far is available online or in hard copy form upon your request.

There are two things that I want to touch on before we continue in our passage. The first thing is simply to point out to you that what we are going to be talking today, instructing children, is really another expression of the vision for Dry Creek Baptist Church that I shared with you last week. I said that Dry Creek Baptist Church exists to bring glory to God by making disciples who will treasure Christ and carry Him to the ends of the earth. This call that Paul gives us to bring up children in the “instruction of the Lord” is simply an expression of that vision. In other words, your parenting is ultimately about making disciples who will treasure Christ out of your children.

The second disclaimer I want to give you is a reminder of the context of this passage. In these various relationships that we see in this latter part of Ephesians, Paul is fleshing out the Spirit-filled submission of the new man. In other words, this is how people who have been saved, born again, received a new heart, etc. should act and this is how only people who have received a new heart through the gospel can act. This means that the gospel of Jesus Christ is a necessary ingredient to seeing any of this become a reality. These are not simply two ways to be a good child (honor & obedience) and three ways to be a good parent (avoid provoking to anger, discipline, & instruction). This is like telling you that you need to kick a 100-yard field goal! You need the help of some hurricane winds in order to do that. That is the help that God offers you in the gospel, the power to become what you are not. Now we will revisit this point at the end, but I just want to clearly establish up front: Christianity is not moralism! It is not Bobby Boucher theology. None of us “can do it.” We need Someone who can in our place and the good news of the gospel is that someone has: Jesus Christ.

1) GOD’S CALL UPON CHILDREN (6:1-3)

i) OBEDIENCE (1): “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

ii) HONOR (2-3) – “Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

2) GOD’S CALL UPON PARENTS (6:4) – “FATHERS” have a leading responsibility in the raising of their children.

i) THE NEGATIVE (4a): “Do not provoke your children to anger”

We said this does not mean that our children should never get angry, but this does mean that we are not supposed to “provoke” anger in our children in ways that are unnecessary. We are to deal with them, even in confrontation, in a way that is tender and gracious and minimizes the potential for anger in them. We talked about some ways, but that list was not conclusive. Ultimately, the idea is that you as a parent genuinely try to do the best you can before God and when you mess up, you let your children see you be humble, real, transparent, repentant, etc.

ii) THE POSITIVE (4b): “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

(1) Discipline:

The word “discipline” here refers to training our children in general, but also encompasses discipline for wrongdoing. It is important to remember that corrective discipline is for rebellion (disobedience) against God. This rebellion falls into two broad areas: God’s rules and the parentsrules.

(2) Formative Instruction:

This passage answers for us a very important question: Who is primarily responsible for making disciples of children? Who is primarily responsible to teach children the words and ways of God? The Bible’s answer is that it is the parents who are primarily responsible. According to the Bible, parents play a crucial, God-ordained role in the discipleship of their children. Parents, especially fathers, are to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Parents do not bear the sole responsibility, but they do bear the primary responsibility. This means that the role of the church in the discipleship of our children is a complimentary and a supplementary one. We should work towards a “both/and” view of the home and the church in the discipleship of our children and students, not an “either/or” view.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 would be worth the time to revisit here. This passage places the primary responsibility of teaching children the Bible upon parents and speaks to different instances of when and how this teaching can take place. It reads, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” I think we see from this passage that teaching children is something that is both structured and spontaneous.

One of my favorite places that I see this modeled is in the spiritual development of Timothy in 2 Tim. 3:15, where it is said that he has been “acquainted with the sacred writings” since his childhood. Who acquainted Timothy with the Scriptures? 2 Timothy 1:5 tells us that it was his mother and grandmother.

The most fundamental task of parenting is showing God to your children. Again, this is to take place in ways that are both structured and spontaneous. There should be diligent, intentional effort on your part to teach the Bible to your children. There should be some intentional structure in place for teaching your children the Bible. This means that you try to employ a time daily or weekly for family worship to take place. What do I mean by family worship? While it could look different in any number of homes, I think of it along the following lines: a time where the family gathers to sing, read, discuss, ask questions, memorize scripture, and pray. That should be normal and as often as possible. Then possibly have at least a day a week where you have a more in-depth time to learn the Bible together (example & resources).

One final structure that I want to encourage you to have in place is the local church. As we said, both parents and the church share a responsibility to disciple children, and one of the ways that you as a parent can help your children to learn the Bible is have them in church. Resolve that your children will find themselves under the teaching of the Word of God in a local church.

Spontaneous instruction can take on any number of forms, so the one thing I want to I want to point out to you here is that is that we instruct our children not just by teaching them truth, but by modeling it for them as well. Your walk with Christ is modeling something to your children. Your children will learn what it means to be passionate for Christ or not to be from you. What you treasure is teaching something to your children. Your children will learn what true contentment means from you, or they will become slaves to the materialism of our culture. Finally, your marriage is modeling something to your children. Probably the most profound thing they will see you model is the covenant relationship between Christ and the Church by watching you as moms and dad be husband and wife. This is why we have spent so much time focusing on marriage so far in this series, because your marriage has everything to do with your parenting. Consider this profound quote from Piper as we close: “God has ordained that both mother and father be involved in raising children because they are husband and wife before they are mother and father. And what they are as husband and wife is where God wants children to be: As husband and wife, they are a drama of the covenant keeping love between Christ and the Church. That is where God wants children to be. His design is that children grow up watching Christ love the church and watching the church delight in following Christ. His design is that the beauty and strength and wisdom of this covenant relationship be absorbed by the children from the time they are born.”[1]

So there it is. The big question that I want to ask you, as your pastor, is simply this: are you doing this? Are you at least working towards making this a reality in your home? I love the words of Psalm 78:4: “We will not hide them from our children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” Again, this type of resolve only comes from a new heart that God has granted through the gospel and can only be sustained by the hurricane force wind of His Holy Spirit in our lives. As we said last time, our children don’t need parents who are good at playing church, they need parents who treasure Christ and are desperate for and dependant upon Him.



[1] Piper, John, “This Momentary Marriage,” pg. 144