Divorce & Remarriage: Matthew 19:1-9, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

I heard a story this week about how our smart phones are not always that “smart.” It was about a college girl whose parents proudly had their first iPhone and could now text. One day she received a startling text from her father, "Your mom and I are going to divorce." In tears she called home, only to find the truth: the "smart phone" had completed the “d” word for them. The message was meant to be, "You mom and I are going to Disney."

The reason we laugh at such stories is because of the reality that divorce is no laughing matter. The pain of divorce is crippling and devastating. It is devastating to the two people who thought they were going to spend their lives together. No one (except for maybe celebrities) has divorce in the back of their minds on their wedding day. It is even more devastating when there are children involved, as the pinnacle of a stable relationship crumbles before their eyes and they become the victims of cruel custody battles and power plays on the part of broken parents.

Statistics tell us that approximately half of all marriages in our country end in divorce now and depending on who’s survey you look at, those numbers are about the same among professing believers. After some thought on those numbers, my conclusion is simply that there are a lot of professing believers who aren’t believers. When you consider that there are approximately 16 million professing Southern Baptists and only around 4 million of them attend church on a regular basis, it’s pretty obvious that there are a lot of professing believers who are not believers. It’s my contention that even though Christians are not immune to divorce, the numbers should be a lot lower among genuine believers. But since half of marriages do end in divorce, this issue needs to be addressed among the professing people of God and the Scriptures are not silent on this matter. And since we are wrapping up this series entitled, The Glory of God in the Homes of His People, it is an appropriate time to deal with this topic. So from Matthew 19:1-9 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16, I want to make the following four points about divorce and remarriage.

1) Scripture’s View of Marriage is One of Permanence (Matt. 19:3-8, 1 Cor. 7:10-13)

The Pharisee’s question (19:3) is intended to trip up Jesus concerning a debated concession for divorce in the Old Testament found in Deut. 24:1-4. This passage doesn’t actually prescribe divorce, but seeks to regulate the existing practice of it. The religious leaders of Jesus’ day had taken the passage and used it as a prescription for divorce, saying it was something that Moses had “commanded” (19:7). The debate surrounded what the “indecency” was that a husband could divorce his wife over in Deut. 24:1. There were two major schools of interpretation here, that of Rabbi’s Shammai and Hillel. The following quotation from the Mishnah illustrates the difference between them: “The school of Shammai says: A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her…And the school of Hillel syas: [He may divorce her] even if she spoiled a dish for him…Rabbi Akiba says, [he may divorce her] even if he found another fairer than she” (Mishnah, Gittin 9.10). The majority of Jesus’ contemporaries held this latter, very liberal view, which basically made it very easy for a husband to divorce his wife and leave her completely unprotected and un-provided for in their culture.

Jesus responds in a way that explodes this type of thinking and lifts marriage above either one of these views. He sidelines the debate over Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and goes right to the heart of God’s original design for marriage to begin with in Genesis 2:18-25 (19:4-6). In pointing to this passage, Jesus is teaching that what God was doing in the first marriage was establishing a pattern that He expected every marriage to follow. Part of that pattern was for the marriage union to be permanent. God’s design for marriage from the beginning is one man and one woman for one lifetime. Jesus states that marriage is more than just a human agreement, it is a divine union that is not to be separated by humans (19:6). We must begin any treatment of divorce here by establishing clearly that the Bible does not advocate divorce. It is a deviation of God’s original creation design (19:8). Paul expresses this same view of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:10-13,39, saying that a husband or a wife is “not” to divorce their spouse because in God’s eyes, “a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.”

We too live in a day and culture where there is a very low view of marriage and a mindset that anyone can get a divorce for any reason. Our culture not only views getting a divorce for any cause lawful, but also as being easy and cheap. If you were to simply google the word “divorce,” you would see that cheap and easy divorce opportunities abound with sites like “divorcewriter.com” where you can get a divorce for only $149.00 “fast, lawyer-free, and 100% guaranteed.” If that is too pricy for you, you can go to “easydivorcekit.net” and only spend $29.95. There are even gender friendly sites like “divorce4her.com,” where you can have “fast and cheap divorces done right.” Divorce should be anything but fast and cheap. Our generation needs to hear the words of Jesus proclaimed that when two people get married, God is joining them together as “one flesh,” and no human being is to separate what God has joined together.

2) Scripture Only Grants Two Instances Where Divorce & Remarriage is Permissible. (permissible, not required)

Having established that the Bible’s design for marriage is that of permanence, we need to examine the two reasons that the New Testament seems to give as legitimate instances where divorce is an option. Let me start by saying a few things to clarify what we are going to see. First, these two instances are not to be seen as a license for divorce, but are meant to show how serious the marriage union is. They are serious instances that only make divorce permissible, not required.

The second thing I need to say up front is that while what I’m going to show you is the majority view among conservative, Bible-believing Christians (as well as my own), it is not the only view. There are some other views on what these passages are saying, mostly in the direction of less and less room for divorce and remarriage, not more. I’m not going to explain them all to you because it would take a lot of time and to be honest, I just feel like these passages are pretty plain in what they are saying.

The third thing I want to say is that we need to remember that divorce and remarriage are separate but related issues. The reason I make that statement is because though we are lumping them together, one should not automatically assume the other. And in cases where a divorce is not permissible, someone getting divorced and then remarried would be committing two sins, not just one.

The first instance in which we see divorce being permissible is in the case of “sexual immorality” on the part of one of the marriage partners (19:9). The Greek word here is “porneia,” which is a broad term that refers any sexual immoral act that would defile the one flesh marriage union. Jesus says that anyone who divorces their spouse and remarries on any other grounds is committing adultery, which would imply that if someone is getting a divorce on these grounds and gets remarried after such a divorce, they would not be. In the Old Testament under the Law, a spouse who was sexually unfaithful was supposed to face capital punishment (Lev. 20:10, Deut. 22:22). This is an instance where one spouse commits a sin so heinous against the other that is disrupts the one flesh union. As Paul says, a person who commits sexual immorality is becoming “one flesh” on some level with someone who is not his or her spouse (1 Cor. 6:16).

The second instance found in the New Testament where divorce and remarriage are permissible is a very unique situation that we find in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. After explicitly forbidding divorce and remarriage for two believers who are married (7:10-11), he then addresses the situation of a believer being married to an unbelieving spouse. Let me clarify something here as well: these are probably not situations where believers had married unbelieving spouses. These are situations where, as the gospel penetrated a pagan city, one spouse would respond in faith to the gospel and the other wouldn’t, which created a very tense situation in a pagan, idolatrous culture. Paul instructs believers to remain with their unbelieving spouses if their spouse is willing to continue being married, but says that if their unbelieving spouse leaves them, that they are not obligated to seek reconciliation with them. He then says in 7:15, that “In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” Because of the context and flow of Paul’s instruction, I take that to mean that they are not enslaved to what two believers in the same situation would be, which is to either remain unmarried or to be reconciled (7:10-11). God has called a believer in such a situation to peace, not the lifelong vain hope of trying to be reconciled to an unbeliever who’s abandoned them as well as the lifelong prohibition against ever enjoying the blessings of marriage to another believer.

In short, you have two situations here, one of heinous betrayal and another that is beyond a believer’s control. These instructions, I believe, are meant to protect the innocent party in both situations. That is important, especially in the case of a woman who had been cheated on or abandoned. She would be placed in a very precarious situation and these two exceptions provide her with opportunity to seek another spouse to provide for her. And again, these are two situations that make divorce permissible, not required. Even in these two situations, forgiveness and reconciliation should always be sought after until it becomes impossible, because here we are displaying Christ’s love in a powerful way, which is ultimately what marriage is meant to do. Also, I just want to repeat what we saw a few weeks ago in 1 Corinthians 7:39: that even though remarriage may be permissible, a person will be happier single and satisfied with Christ alone if they can remain so.

3) Scripture Condemns Any Other Instance of Divorce & Forbids Remarriage, Calling It Adultery.

Matthew 19:9: “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” These are some sober words for many people today. I would like to read a few other passages of scripture at this point and my prayer is simply that we would feel the weight of how serious the marriage union is to be taken. Matthew 5:31-32: “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Mark 10:11-12: “And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Luke 16:18: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” Romans 7:2-3: “For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.”

Now I want to say two things here. I don’t believe the Bible is saying that a person who gets remarried after an illegitimate divorce is living in a perpetual state of adultery, only that they committed adultery in entering into another marriage. Also, I don’t believe the Bible is saying that the marriage that they are in now is not valid. In passages like Deut. 24:1-4, God seems to recognize the new marriage once it is established. My hopes here are not to crush anyone who has had an illegitimate divorce and has been remarried now. But I believe that you do need to have an honest time of confession and repentance, and part of that repentance needs to be making your present marriage work by God’s grace. I hope this does however, serve as a sober warning to those contemplating divorce for unbiblical reasons and to those who have been through such a divorce that their options are reconciliation with their spouse or remaining unmarried.

4) Scripture Declares that There is Life After Divorce and Hope for Marriages that are Failing in the Gospel.

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Neither is adultery. But they are devastating and they are acts so heinous that they place us under the wrath of God. And so are the many other sins that we who will stay married commit every day. What we all need to hear today is that God has provided a remedy for this problem. Listen to the words of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11: Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” On the cross of Jesus Christ, every ounce of punishment that was due me for my sins was meted out. God’s wrath was satisfied and I became washed, set apart, and declared righteous before God in spite of my sins. Here is where hope begins.

The Bible also declares that for those whom God has redeemed, He has also given new hearts that enable a radical new obedience to Him (Ezekiel 36:26-27). This means that if your marriage is failing, the gospel offers you all the grace and empowering to love an unlovable spouse and to joyfully suffer and honor God even when it is hard. I believe that only Christians can truly fight for their marriages. Only Christians can truly honor God and display Christ’s covenant love in failing marriages and see their marriages redeemed. I believe this because what the Bible demands of marriage is something that only a person with the new heart that the gospel gives can experience.

If you are the innocent victim of a divorce, I hope that you do not carry the guilt, bitterness, and unforgiveness that the gospel calls you to be free from. Even in the wrongs committed against you, you can confidently say that God was at work for your good and His glory. How can you say that? You can because He did not spare His own Son to make you His (Romans 8:28-32). Walk in that truth.

I would say that the greatest tragedy in divorce is how it warps the covenant commitment and faithfulness that the world is supposed to learn about Christ and the Church. I’ve said this many times in this series so far, but Jesus Christ has been the most faithful husband to the most unfaithful bride in all of history. The church is made up of nothing but people who are spiritual adulterers to their Creator. It is His love and mercy and grace and His covenant commitment to us that is changing us. That is what the world is supposed to witness when they look into the homes of God’s people. A people who are being radically changed by a God Who is unwavering in His covenant commitment to them and who are experiencing and expressing that covenant love, mercy, and grace to one another. That is how God intends His glory to shine forth from the homes of His people.