We are nearing the end of our series entitled, “The Glory of God in the Homes of His People,” and so far we have looked at what the Bible says it means to be married, a husband, a wife, a child, a parent, and even a single person. Last week we saw that singleness is a gift from God that it is to display the all-satisfying sufficiency of Christ. What we haven’t looked at yet is how two people are to fall for one another and go from being single to being married. While this is normally called “dating” in our culture, what we are really talking about is simply how God puts two people together for His glory. There is great need to have the Bible speak to this issue in the church today. To do this, we are going to look at, the story of how God put Isaac and Rebekah together in Genesis 24, which was truly a match made in heaven.
One of the reasons that I saved dating until now is that I wanted what we would say about dating to be flavored by a high, Biblical view of marriage. We needed to establish this view of marriage so we could see why some of these principles are so important. Now if you are married, know that this message is for you as well because you play a crucial role in guiding your children and grandchildren in finding the person that they will spend the rest of their lives with.
Now before we look at how this passage speaks to how God desires to put two people together, we need to remember the context and the redemptive historical backdrop of this passage because this passage is not ultimately about dating. What is going on at this point in Genesis is that the perfect world that God had made has fallen apart. In Genesis 12:1-3, God initiates His plan to redeem this fallen world by calling a man named Abram to Himself and promising to make a great nation out of him and to bless all nations through Him. What you have as you read the life of Abraham is this constant tension of how God is going to keep these promises that He has made to Abraham. And with every tension, an opportunity arises for God to show His steadfast love and faithfulness to Abraham (in spite of Sarah’s barrenness, in spite of their age, in spite of God’s testing, etc). In Genesis 24 we see another tension arise: there is no suitable bride for the son of promise (Isaac). So what is God going to do or bring about in order to make good on His promises that He has made to Abraham? That is what this chapter is about: God furthering the history of His salvation through perfect timing and faithful people. This chapter nicely breaks down into three sections: the father’s wishes, the servant’s mission, and the son’s wedding.
“[1] Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years. And the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things. [2] And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh, [3] that I may make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, [4] but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.” [5] The servant said to him, “Perhaps the woman may not be willing to follow me to this land. Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?” [6] Abraham said to him, “See to it that you do not take my son back there. [7] The LORD, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, ‘To your offspring I will give this land,’ he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. [8] But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this oath of mine; only you must not take my son back there.” [9] So the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master and swore to him concerning this matter.
Notice right away how involved the Father is in finding his son a wife. This is because there is a great difference between what we call “dating” today and what would take place in the Bible. Rather than our modern concept of “dating,” the Bible presents something called “courtship.” One big difference between dating and courting is the involvement of the parents of the people involved. The world of the Bible presents a completely opposite approach than we experience today, with parents often playing a much bigger role in two people getting married than the couple themselves. Now I know we don’t live in that day and time, but I do think that even though we don’t court in our culture, we can apply the principles of courtship. The first principle would be:
1) Honor Your Parents (In Who & How You Date)
Here this would mean that you should identify and involve people in your life (parents) that you can filter potential people through. One of example of how this worked out in my life was that I simply asked my parents to write down a list of qualities that they would like to see in a future spouse for me. It was a little awkward, but my mother took the time to write me a letter expressing some things that she valued in a future spouse for me. They were all reasonable things that I was able to take and look for in a person. She didn’t pick my wife, but I was able to honor her in who I sought relationships with and eventually married.
2) Keep it in the Family…of God.
The second thing that we see in this passage is that Abraham was adamant about his son not marrying a Canaanite woman (3). He makes his servant swear on this and that he will seek a bride for Isaac from his own family (4). The reason that Abraham is so concerned about the Canaanite women is simply this: they worship other gods. Abraham knew that a woman from his family would possibly be a godly woman because in Genesis 31:53, Terah and Nahor are said to worship the same God that Abraham does. This same truth is seen in the New Testament: 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” A believing man or woman is to only to marry “in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39).
This is probably one of the biggest pitfalls I see when it comes to people in relationships. The Bible is clear that for a Christian, dating someone who isn’t a Christian is just not an option. It’s disobedience to Scripture. And this is not just a pitfall in the people in the relationships, but one for their parents as well. If you love your children, you have to protect them here and investigate people who want their affection. Investigate them not just by their lips but by their life, because many unbelievers know how to play the game.
[10] Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and departed, taking all sorts of choice gifts from his master; and he arose and went to Mesopotamia to the city of Nahor. [11] And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at the time of evening, the time when women go out to draw water. [12] And he said, “O LORD, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. [13] Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. [14] Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.”
3) Make Dating a Matter of Prayer
Dating is serious because you are going to marry someone that you date! I’ll go even further than say that I think it would be wise to only date people that you could potentially marry. If anything should be on your prayer list, it should be this subject. Pray specifically for the right kind of person. Don’t be ridiculous, but be specific. Pray that God would guard your own heart from idolizing relationships and people and from the dating the wrong people. Notice too that Isaac nor Rebekah are even the ones praying here. Have others pray for you here. Parents, are you praying for godly spouses for your children?
[15] Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, came out with her water jar on her shoulder. [16] The young woman was very attractive in appearance, a maiden whom no man had known. She went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up. [17] Then the servant ran to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water to drink from your jar.” [18] She said, “Drink, my lord.” And she quickly let down her jar upon her hand and gave him a drink. [19] When she had finished giving him a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.” [20] So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels. [21] The man gazed at her in silence to learn whether the LORD had prospered his journey or not.
[22] When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel, and two bracelets for her arms weighing ten gold shekels, [23] and said, “Please tell me whose daughter you are. Is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?” [24] She said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor.” [25] She added, “We have plenty of both straw and fodder, and room to spend the night.” [26] The man bowed his head and worshiped the LORD [27] and said, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his steadfast love and his faithfulness toward my master. As for me, the LORD has led me in the way to the house of my master's kinsmen.” [28] Then the young woman ran and told her mother's household about these things.
4) Know that Beauty Fades, and Character Remains
This passage is calling great attention to Rebekah’s character. The servant’s prayer is about a character test that he would employ. She’s the first girl out to the well. She is extremely hard working (10 camels: 25 gallons a piece = 250 gallons!). She is a virgin. She is hospitable, and praise the Lord, she’s good looking too! She is portrayed as a woman of virtue.
Another thing that should guides us in finding a mate is this reality that character and godliness are more important than physical beauty. None of this is saying that being attracted to someone isn’t important, but let’s be honest, that’s the easy part. The hard part is keeping your attraction in check so you can pray through this other stuff. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to be beautiful outwardly, but it is more important that they be beautiful inwardly because beauty fades, but character remains.
So now we jump ahead a little in our story. Abraham’s servant goes to Rebekah’s family and rehearses this whole situation and then they respond: [50] Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, “The thing has come from the LORD; we cannot speak to you bad or good. [51] Behold, Rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master's son, as the LORD has spoken.”
[52] When Abraham's servant heard their words, he bowed himself to the earth before the LORD. [53] And the servant brought out jewelry of silver and of gold, and garments, and gave them to Rebekah. He also gave to her brother and to her mother costly ornaments. [54] And he and the men who were with him ate and drank, and they spent the night there. When they arose in the morning, he said, “Send me away to my master.” [55] Her brother and her mother said, “Let the young woman remain with us a while, at least ten days; after that she may go.” [56] But he said to them, “Do not delay me, since the LORD has prospered my way. Send me away that I may go to my master.” [57] They said, “Let us call the young woman and ask her.” [58] And they called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” She said, “I will go.” [59] So they sent away Rebekah their sister and her nurse, and Abraham's servant and his men. [60] And they blessed Rebekah and said to her,“Our sister, may you become thousands of ten thousands, and may your offspring possess the gate of those who hate him!”
[61] Then Rebekah and her young women arose and rode on the camels and followed the man. Thus the servant took Rebekah and went his way.
[62] Now Isaac had returned from Beer-lahai-roi and was dwelling in the Negeb. [63] And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. And he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold, there were camels coming. [64] And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel [65] and said to the servant, “Who is that man, walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself. [66] And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. [67] Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.”
5) Trust the Sovereignty and Omniscience of God
Has this masterful, romantic tale not been a story of divine providence? All of these things that appear so coincidental remind us of a great truth: there is no such thing as coincidence. God is providing a bride for the promised son. He is showing His steadfast love and faithfulness to Abraham (24:14,27). That’s what this chapter is ultimately about: a God Who abounds in steadfast love and faithfulness to His people, Who works all things together for the good of those who are His. He is the hero of this love story. He is showing Himself to be a God Who can be trusted. Wrapping your mind around the sovereign goodness and omniscience of God can radically shape your dating life. It may be one of the most important truths that you can ever let saturate your heart.
Why do I say that? First of all, because most of you know what it is like to have been in a relationship that you regretted. We’ve known what it is like to have been with someone whom we have wanted but didn’t need (Jer. 17:9). Well guess what? God can give you someone that you want AND NEED. Many people settle for what they want when it’s not what they need and end up with someone they don’t want or need. The second reason that you must let the sovereignty of God saturate your heart is that there are too many things that you can’t control. Just think of all the variables in this story! At the most basic and yet profound level, the issue is this: can you trust God to show His steadfast love and faithfulness to you in His time?
In closing, we need to remember that God puts the best relationships together, not us. This passage is about a God Who is sovereign and will provide, a God Who can be trusted. He is a God shows His steadfast love and faithfulness to His people in working all things together for their good and His glory. Do you believe that about Him? It makes all the difference in the world. Do you believe that God knows not only what you want but what you need and when you need it? Don’t you want that?
Dating, like every other area in our life, is really an issue of faith. Do we really trust God? Do we really consider Him faithful? Think about Abraham’s faith in the first part of this chapter. He’s willing to risk everything on the fact that God will provide a godly spouse for His son. He won’t let Isaac leave the promised land and He won’t let Isaac marry a pagan girl. That makes for pretty slim pickin’s! Abraham knows that there is no such thing for the people of God. There is only provision, steadfast love, & faithfulness.
Rebekah’s decision to forsake everything was much more than a decision to go marry Isaac. It was an act of faith in the God of Abraham. She doesn’t know Isaac from Adam! She has every reason to stay and only one reason to go: she has heard the story of the God Who called Abraham to leave his family and country and how He has promised to fix this broken world through Abraham’s descendants. And now she has learned that the God Who is writing a greater love story wants to write her into it. In forsaking everything to follow the promised son, she is demonstrating her faith in the God of Abraham.
This love story is pointing to a greater love story. God designed marriage to display the love between Christ and the church, so is it any wonder that in a story of God’s working to put two people together we would see this breathtaking analogy of the gospel? What am I talking about? This is the story of how the father sends forth his servant to secure a bride for his son. This reminds us of the story of the gospel. The Father has sent His Spirit into the world to gather a bride for His promised Son, a bride who was far away, not geographically but because of her sins. To reconcile her, the Father didn’t just risk everything; He gave everything: His only Son. If you are a believer, then you remember that there was a day where you had to make Rebekah’s decision to forsake everything and follow the God of Abraham. That was the day God wrote you into this greater love story. And if you are not a believer, know that God has brought you here today because He wants to write you into the greatest love story ever written as well. Will you do like Rebekah and forsake all in faith to follow Him?
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