Well, it has been some time since we were in Ephesians 6:1-4, so let me try to briefly review where we are in this series for the sake of our regulars and our new comers alike. We are currently going through a series entitled The Glory of God in the Homes of His People. This series is aimed the home because we recognize that in our church and in our community, Satan is actively dismantling marriages and families at an alarming rate. So we have been digging into the Bible to rediscover what God’s purposes and principles are for the home and have been asking God to change the homes in our church with this teaching and to allow this teaching to be contagious good news that impacts eternity for the glory of God. We have spent a lot of time looking at the marriage relationship between husband and wife and have now moved to a focus on parenthood and childhood as well. We will look at some issue concerning singleness, dating, and divorce in the weeks to come, but I just want to encourage any new comers who are interested that all of the material that we have covered so far is available online or in hard copy form upon your request.
There are two things that I want to touch on before we continue in our passage. The first thing is simply to point out to you that what we are going to be talking today, instructing children, is really another expression of the vision for Dry Creek Baptist Church that I shared with you last week. I said that Dry Creek Baptist Church exists to bring glory to God by making disciples who will treasure Christ and carry Him to the ends of the earth. This call that Paul gives us to bring up children in the “instruction of the Lord” is simply an expression of that vision. In other words, your parenting is ultimately about making disciples who will treasure Christ out of your children.
The second disclaimer I want to give you is a reminder of the context of this passage. In these various relationships that we see in this latter part of Ephesians, Paul is fleshing out the Spirit-filled submission of the new man. In other words, this is how people who have been saved, born again, received a new heart, etc. should act and this is how only people who have received a new heart through the gospel can act. This means that the gospel of Jesus Christ is a necessary ingredient to seeing any of this become a reality. These are not simply two ways to be a good child (honor & obedience) and three ways to be a good parent (avoid provoking to anger, discipline, & instruction). This is like telling you that you need to kick a 100-yard field goal! You need the help of some hurricane winds in order to do that. That is the help that God offers you in the gospel, the power to become what you are not. Now we will revisit this point at the end, but I just want to clearly establish up front: Christianity is not moralism! It is not Bobby Boucher theology. None of us “can do it.” We need Someone who can in our place and the good news of the gospel is that someone has: Jesus Christ.
1) GOD’S CALL UPON CHILDREN (6:1-3)
i) OBEDIENCE (1): “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
ii) HONOR (2-3) – “Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
2) GOD’S CALL UPON PARENTS (6:4) – “FATHERS” have a leading responsibility in the raising of their children.
i) THE NEGATIVE (4a): “Do not provoke your children to anger”
We said this does not mean that our children should never get angry, but this does mean that we are not supposed to “provoke” anger in our children in ways that are unnecessary. We are to deal with them, even in confrontation, in a way that is tender and gracious and minimizes the potential for anger in them. We talked about some ways, but that list was not conclusive. Ultimately, the idea is that you as a parent genuinely try to do the best you can before God and when you mess up, you let your children see you be humble, real, transparent, repentant, etc.
ii) THE POSITIVE (4b): “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
(1) Discipline:
The word “discipline” here refers to training our children in general, but also encompasses discipline for wrongdoing. It is important to remember that corrective discipline is for rebellion (disobedience) against God. This rebellion falls into two broad areas: God’s rules and the parents’ rules.
(2) Formative Instruction:
This passage answers for us a very important question: Who is primarily responsible for making disciples of children? Who is primarily responsible to teach children the words and ways of God? The Bible’s answer is that it is the parents who are primarily responsible. According to the Bible, parents play a crucial, God-ordained role in the discipleship of their children. Parents, especially fathers, are to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Parents do not bear the sole responsibility, but they do bear the primary responsibility. This means that the role of the church in the discipleship of our children is a complimentary and a supplementary one. We should work towards a “both/and” view of the home and the church in the discipleship of our children and students, not an “either/or” view.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 would be worth the time to revisit here. This passage places the primary responsibility of teaching children the Bible upon parents and speaks to different instances of when and how this teaching can take place. It reads, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” I think we see from this passage that teaching children is something that is both structured and spontaneous.
One of my favorite places that I see this modeled is in the spiritual development of Timothy in 2 Tim. 3:15, where it is said that he has been “acquainted with the sacred writings” since his childhood. Who acquainted Timothy with the Scriptures? 2 Timothy 1:5 tells us that it was his mother and grandmother.
The most fundamental task of parenting is showing God to your children. Again, this is to take place in ways that are both structured and spontaneous. There should be diligent, intentional effort on your part to teach the Bible to your children. There should be some intentional structure in place for teaching your children the Bible. This means that you try to employ a time daily or weekly for family worship to take place. What do I mean by family worship? While it could look different in any number of homes, I think of it along the following lines: a time where the family gathers to sing, read, discuss, ask questions, memorize scripture, and pray. That should be normal and as often as possible. Then possibly have at least a day a week where you have a more in-depth time to learn the Bible together (example & resources).
One final structure that I want to encourage you to have in place is the local church. As we said, both parents and the church share a responsibility to disciple children, and one of the ways that you as a parent can help your children to learn the Bible is have them in church. Resolve that your children will find themselves under the teaching of the Word of God in a local church.
Spontaneous instruction can take on any number of forms, so the one thing I want to I want to point out to you here is that is that we instruct our children not just by teaching them truth, but by modeling it for them as well. Your walk with Christ is modeling something to your children. Your children will learn what it means to be passionate for Christ or not to be from you. What you treasure is teaching something to your children. Your children will learn what true contentment means from you, or they will become slaves to the materialism of our culture. Finally, your marriage is modeling something to your children. Probably the most profound thing they will see you model is the covenant relationship between Christ and the Church by watching you as moms and dad be husband and wife. This is why we have spent so much time focusing on marriage so far in this series, because your marriage has everything to do with your parenting. Consider this profound quote from Piper as we close: “God has ordained that both mother and father be involved in raising children because they are husband and wife before they are mother and father. And what they are as husband and wife is where God wants children to be: As husband and wife, they are a drama of the covenant keeping love between Christ and the Church. That is where God wants children to be. His design is that children grow up watching Christ love the church and watching the church delight in following Christ. His design is that the beauty and strength and wisdom of this covenant relationship be absorbed by the children from the time they are born.”[1]
So there it is. The big question that I want to ask you, as your pastor, is simply this: are you doing this? Are you at least working towards making this a reality in your home? I love the words of Psalm 78:4: “We will not hide them from our children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” Again, this type of resolve only comes from a new heart that God has granted through the gospel and can only be sustained by the hurricane force wind of His Holy Spirit in our lives. As we said last time, our children don’t need parents who are good at playing church, they need parents who treasure Christ and are desperate for and dependant upon Him.
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