Lately we have been focusing our attention in this series on how God is redeeming various aspects of His original design for marriage through and for the gospel. In the redemption of marriage, we have seen how God wants to redeems manhood and womanhood so far. Today we are going to look at another aspect of God’s original design for marriage that He is redeeming through and for the gospel: sexual intimacy. God’s design for the first marriage was for a man and woman to “become one flesh,” being “naked and…not ashamed” (Genesis 2:24-25).
Now this is a touchy topic to address because there are extremes when it comes to thinking through sex in the church and in culture. Our culture represents one extreme, worshipping sex as god. Sex is everywhere in our culture and people worship it in many ways. I often notice this mentality in the fact that “sex” is the one word I can mention in a sermon that suddenly gets everyone’s attention! The other extreme that is very common in the church is that sex is gross. We treat it as a taboo topic, and as a result, many in the church deeply struggle with sexual sin alone, thinking they can't talk about this because we don't talk about it anywhere else in the church.
What I hope to do today is to simply show you the picture that the Word of God paints of sex as a good gift of God given to men and women in a marriage covenant for procreation, pleasure, protection, and the promotion of unity in their relationship. While we would all agree that sex is not to be god, we must also see from scripture that sex is not gross. Sex, in marriage, is celebrated in the Word of God. Proverbs 5:18-19 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, as lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” In Song of Solomon 7:6-9, which is a book that celebrates married love and sexual intimacy between a husband and wife, we read, “How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.” Are you seeing this? Solomon says, "You're body is a tree and I'm gonna climb that tree!" That's puts a whole new spin on being a tree hugger doesn't it? This is the Bible painting this beautiful picture of sex in marriage! Coincidentally, in 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:9, Paul was also dealing with two extreme views on sex in His letter to the Corinthians.
1) The Prohibition of Sexual Immorality (6:12-20): Avoiding Extreme License
As an aside, it is important to know that in the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul is dealing both with things that the house of Chloe (1:11) has reported to him about the Corinthian church and issues that they have written to him about from the church as well (7:1). In dealing with both of these extremes on sex in and out of marriage, Paul begins by quoting what I’m going to call a “Corinthian Slogan,” which is something that some faction in the church at Corinth was saying. One thing that a group of people in the Corinthian church was saying was: “All things are lawful for me,” (6:12) and that “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food” (6:13). What this slogan implies is that bodily appetites (such as hunger, fatigue, sex) are matters of indifference and therefore the body should be permitted to have whatever it desires. Basically, they were promoting an exploitation of the desires that God created the human body to have. They would contend that no sexual act (like taking a prostitute) could be called immoral because it is simply a craving that the body desires and the body should get what it wants. What is Paul’s response? I think Paul makes at least three points in response to this mindset:
i) All Things are Not Helpful (12)
While it is true that the body was created with appetites for food, rest, and sex, that doesn’t necessarily mean that these appetites are always helpful. They have been infected with sin since the fall. As a result, they can be exploited and we can become enslaved to them in our exploitation of them.
ii) All Things are Not Eternal (13-14)
Paul says here that both the body and the food it craves are going to eventually come to an end. Then he says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” I think what Paul is saying is that the body wasn’t meant driven by temporal appetites, but by one eternal appetite: the desire for JESUS CHRIST. We’re “meant” for one another. Christ satisfies in a way that no sex can, and we should live in the light of that eternal reality. As C.S. Lewis once said, our problem is not that we can't find satisfaction in life, but that we are far to easily pleased. Don't settle for sex, go hard after Christ.
iii) All Things are Not Lawful (15-20)
Finally, some things are just plain wrong. Paul clearly states that sexual immorality is a “sin” (6:18). It is not a neutral, or a “grey” area. Sexual immorality is morally wrong, and is so for at least three reasons. First, sexual immorality is a distortion of God’s good design in creation. The Greek word the New Testament uses for sexual immorality is “porneia,” and is a broad term used to refer to any sexual act that is not in line with God’s design in creation, such as fornication, adultery, polygamy, homosexuality, prostitution, rape, molestation, masturbation, etc. It is anything that defiles the marriage bed (Heb. 13:4-5). I would also add heavy making out to this list because it is going way further than the line Jesus drew for sexual immorality in Matthew 5:28. The second reason sexual immorality is sin is because it is a breach of our “one spirit” union with Christ (15-17). The only place a sexual act doesn’t do this is within covenant union of a husband and wife, where instead of breaching our relationship with Christ, it further displays it.
Finally, sexual immorality is a sin against our own body and the Lord Who owns it (18-20). All sins are not the same. Sexual sin is unique in that the body is at the same time the motive, the instrument, and the victim of the sin being committed. Please don’t miss the warning that Paul is communicating here. Sexual immorality affects you in a deeply physical, emotional, and spiritual way because you are becoming “one flesh” with someone else (6:16). This is why promiscuity can carry a ton of baggage into a marriage. I’m not saying that God through the gospel can’t redeem this baggage; He can, but I am saying that is a fire than doesn’t need to be played with. This is a most dangerous sin, and Paul reminds the Corinthians and us as well “your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit” and that “you are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (6:19-20). We are not our own. Our bodies were made for the glory of God. And because of the unique nature of sexual sin, Paul calls us to be like Joseph (Gen. 39:1-12) and “flee sexual immorality.”
2) The Promotion of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (7:1-9): Avoiding Extreme Abstinence
The second “Corinthian Slogan” that Paul addresses is that another group of Corinthian believers were claiming “It is not good for a man to have sexual relations with a woman.” The Greek literally reads, “it is not good for a man to touch a woman,” with “touch” acting as a euphemism for any sexual activity. What this slogan was communicating was that abstinence was not only to be practiced outside of marriage, but inside as well, and that it is not good for even marriage partners to have sex with each other. They had basically hung a sign on the tree that said, "Don't Climb!" While this sounds silly, I have heard couples and even teaching along these lines. And what is more, many marriages unintentionally practice abstinence by neglecting sex. Now what Paul is going to do here is to basically affirm this slogan outside of marriage, but not affirm it among people who are married.
i) It is Good for a Man to have Sexual Relations with a Woman in Marriage (7:2-5)
God designed marriage to be the arena for the expression of human sexuality. As we said earlier, sex is a good gift of God to be enjoyed by married men and women. Paul promotes sexual relations in marriage for at least four reasons. First, sexual relations protect spouses from temptation (2,5). Paul says that “because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (7:2). This means that frequent sex is one of the God ordained means of overcoming sexual temptation for married people. John Piper says, “Faith uses sex against Satan.”[1]
The second reason that Paul promotes sex in marriage is because sexual relations are a spouse’s obligation to their marriage partner (3-4). “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal (sexual) rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” Now I want to clarify something here: these verses are not giving a license for demanding sex. The point is not that marriage partners have the right to demand sexual gratification from the other, but that marriage partners are to use their bodies to outdo one another in seeking to serve and please the other. Remember Philippians 2:3-4? I think one thing Paul is doing here is saying that this principle applies in the bedroom as well. There should be this mutual offering of ourselves to the other with the understanding that our goal is to please our partner and not primarily ourselves. This means that a spouse should be always ready to offer themselves to the other as a way to love and serve their marriage partner and protect them from temptation. Paul is saying that if you are married, you should climb the tree as often as you can! I have no idea how this works as you get older, but I do know this means that as long as you can climb the tree, you should and that you should as often as you can! This point also implies that using sex as manipulation is wrong, whether one manipulates by giving or withholding.
Thirdly, we also learn here that sexual relations in marriage are a matter of obedience (5a). Paul explicitly says, “Do not deprive one another…” (7:5). He says the only reason that you should take a break is if you mutually decide to give yourselves over to prayer and fasting for a season, but that even that should be only for a “limited time.” Simply put, to neglect sex in marriage is to disobey scripture.
Finally, Paul promotes sex in marriage because sexual relations are meant for the physical pleasure of the marriage partners (5b). Paul says that abstinence can lead to a problem controlling an unfulfilled appetite that needs to be filled. The implication there is simply that the filling of this appetite in marriage is a good thing. Paul does affirm here that God created the human body with this massive capacity for pleasure. The issue is not that the desire for this pleasure is bad, but that how one goes about satisfying that desire can be. The marriage bed is meant to be the place where this appetite for pleasure is fed.
ii) It is Not Good for a Man to have Sexual Relations with a Woman Outside of Marriage (7:6-9)
As we said earlier, Paul doesn’t affirm that it is good for a man not to touch a woman in marriage, but He does affirm it if they are not married, and he does so here in a remarkable way. He basically says that both sex and singleness are a gift from God (7). While it is certainly true that single people have a greater capacity to serve the Lord without distraction, it is also true that God doesn’t grant everyone the gift of being single for life (9). I like to think of this as God knowing what will most glorify Himself and His kingdom in our lives. For some of us, that is marriage along with all the pleasures that come with it. For others, that is a life of being single and satisfied with Christ.
What I would like all single people to see is that singleness is a gift of God’s grace. And I believe this applies to both people who will never be married, but also to people who are simply not married at the moment. God’s grace is sufficient for you in your singleness and as we said earlier, He satisfies in a way that sex never could.
If I could close with a few passing thoughts, one would be this: parents, talk to children about these things. If they are here today, I have given you a great springboard. For older students and adults, I would caution you to mind what content you take in our culture. And to students and other single people, I know that even a sermon like this can be a temptation for you. I hope that you have seen sex as celebrated and exciting, but I also hope that you have seen it as sacred. The very book that celebrates sex in marriage more than any other in the Bible constantly warns against the danger of desires being awakened too soon (S.O.S. 2:7, 3:5, 8:4). For people who are either amassing or dealing with a lot of baggage from your past, I want you to know that through gospel there is hope and healing for you. Christ offers you forgiveness by the blood of His cross and a new heart that will renew your mind and get you past the baggage of your past.
Finally, I don’t want you to miss the way that even this aspect of marriage speaks of the pleasures that we are to enjoy as the bride of Christ in the age to come. Remember that heaven is the honeymoon of God and His people. If the ultimate meaning of marriage is to be a picture of Christ and His church, then the ultimate meaning of sex would be to picture the final delights between Christ and His Church. And as John Piper says, “we would do well to tell the world what it is that they love so much.”[2] The temporal pleasures of the physical intimacy between a husband and wife are but a shadow of the eternal fullness of joy that will be in His presence and the pleasures that we will experience forever more (Psalm 16:11).
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