The Providential God of a Dysfunctional Family

How many of you have ever had to go through “that day” when it seems like everything falls apart? What do you do on that day? Where do you turn? How do you cope? I ask you that question because today we are going to begin a new series entitled, The Certainty of Providence, that will cover Genesis 37-50, and in Genesis 37, where the story begins, we read about a time when it looked like everything had fallen apart for God’s people. This first chapter in the story is going to move us to ask, “Where is God in all of this?”

This section of the Bible that many people call the story of Joseph is really the story of a providential God, who works all things (good & bad) together for His glory and the good of His people. This is why we are going to call this series “The Certainty of Providence,” because we can be certain that God is always at work to accomplish His good plan, even when He appears not to be. Even on “that day” when everything seems to fall apart, when the unimaginable happens, our sovereign God is at work for your good and His glory.

I. Meet the Dysfunctional Family

a. The Roots of Dysfunction (37:1-11)

[37:1] Jacob lived in the land of his father's sojournings, in the land of Canaan. Our story begins with the promised seed in the Promised Land, but there is a problem. There is both a physical threat and a spiritual threat to the family of Israel. The physical threat would be the seven year famine that we will read about a little later, but the spiritual threat is found in this chapter. This is a highly dysfunctional family. They are a mess and that is an obstacle to them becoming the great nation that would display the glory of God to the nations. A lot will need to change before the family of Israel can become the nation of Israel.

[2] These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was pasturing the flock with his brothers. He was a boy with the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, his father's wives. And Joseph brought a bad report of them to their father. [3] Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors. [4] But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.

Here we see two sins that are a recipe for family disaster: favoritism on the part of a father and hatred on the part of the siblings. These are some of the many roots that make a family dysfunctional. Jacob, for all his strengths, is not a role model of a father in Genesis. He is both a partial and a passive father. Rather than learn from the effects of his parent’s favoritism of himself and Esau, he follows right in their footsteps. Jacob is also a passive father, who does not address this hatred among the siblings, just as he did not address the rape of his daughter (Gen. 34) or the affair that his son Reuben had with one of his wives (Gen. 35:22). Parents take notice: favoritism will divide your children and destroy your family, and fathers should also take note of what happens when they are passive men who do not lead their families to God. And in a chapter where we will not see God named, I want to remind you that without God, your family will be highly dysfunctional.

[5] Now Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers they hated him even more. [6] He said to them, “Hear this dream that I have dreamed: [7] Behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and behold, my sheaf arose and stood upright. And behold, your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf.” [8] His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words.

[9] Then he dreamed another dream and told it to his brothers and said, “Behold, I have dreamed another dream. Behold, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” [10] But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall I and your mother and your brothers indeed come to bow ourselves to the ground before you?” [11] And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.

The second sin we want to unpack now is the hatred the brothers have for Joseph. The first thing we need to understand is simply that favoritism and hatred are both wrong. What is ironic about the brother’s hatred of Joseph is that Jacob is the one playing favorites, and yet Joseph is the object of their hate. The reason that their hate is aimed at Joseph and not Jacob is given to us in 37:11: “his brothers were jealous of him.” They are not frustrated over the unfairness of the situation. They hate Joseph because they are not the favorite son(s) and they want to be. They want the robe. They want to be one in the dreams that everyone else bows down to.

These sins ravage not only earthly families, but also the family of God. Partiality, jealousy, and eventual hatred must be put to death by the cross of Jesus Christ. Don’t think that you are immune because we all struggle with this as parents, siblings, and Christians (examples). We all have our “favorites” in the church and we all know what it is like to see someone else prosper or be blessed and think that it should have been us. As fallen people, we have a hard time rejoicing with those who rejoice. We must repent of these sins and deal with them, because when we do not, they eventually manifest themselves in some destructive ways.

b. The Fruit of Dysfunction (37:12-36)

[12] Now his brothers went to pasture their father's flock near Shechem. [13] And Israel said to Joseph, “Are not your brothers pasturing the flock at Shechem? Come, I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.” [14] So he said to him, “Go now, see if it is well with your brothers and with the flock, and bring me word.” So he sent him from the Valley of Hebron, and he came to Shechem. [15] And a man found him wandering in the fields. And the man asked him, “What are you seeking?” [16] “I am seeking my brothers,” he said. “Tell me, please, where they are pasturing the flock.” [17] And the man said, “They have gone away, for I heard them say, ‘Let us go to Dothan.’” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them at Dothan.

[18] They saw him from afar, and before he came near to them they conspired against him to kill him. [19] They said to one another, “Here comes this dreamer. [20] Come now, let us kill him and throw him into one of the pits. Then we will say that a fierce animal has devoured him, and we will see what will become of his dreams.”

Learn something about sin here: when we do not repent of sin in our lives, it will eventually manifest itself in ways that are unimaginable. Our sin will take us to a place that we never thought we were capable of being. These brothers are premeditating the murder of their own brother and the cover up story to get away with it. This is where jealousy and hate can take you.

Another attitude that I want to point out here is their rejection against God’ plan. Who gave those dreams to Joseph? God did. And what do the brothers say? “We will see what will become of his dreams.” This is an outright rejection of God’s revelation. God has spoken, and the brothers say, “We’ll see about that!”

Is this not what we are saying with our jealousy though? Aren’t we saying, “I want to be them!” or “That should be me!”? And isn’t that a slap in the face to a God is sovereign over all?

[21] But when Reuben heard it, he rescued him out of their hands, saying, “Let us not take his life.” [22] And Reuben said to them, “Shed no blood; throw him into this pit here in the wilderness, but do not lay a hand on him”—that he might rescue him out of their hand to restore him to his father. [23] So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe, the robe of many colors that he wore. [24] And they took him and threw him into a pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it.

[25] Then they sat down to eat. And looking up they saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead, with their camels bearing gum, balm, and myrrh, on their way to carry it down to Egypt. [26] Then Judah said to his brothers, “What profit is it if we kill our brother and conceal his blood? [27] Come, let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother, our own flesh.” And his brothers listened to him. [28] Then Midianite traders passed by. And they drew Joseph up and lifted him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver. They took Joseph to Egypt.

[29] When Reuben returned to the pit and saw that Joseph was not in the pit, he tore his clothes [30] and returned to his brothers and said, “The boy is gone, and I, where shall I go?” [31] Then they took Joseph's robe and slaughtered a goat and dipped the robe in the blood. [32] And they sent the robe of many colors and brought it to their father and said, “This we have found; please identify whether it is your son's robe or not.”

[33] And he identified it and said, “It is my son's robe. A fierce animal has devoured him. Joseph is without doubt torn to pieces.” [34] Then Jacob tore his garments and put sackcloth on his loins and mourned for his son many days. [35] All his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted and said, “No, I shall go down to Sheol to my son, mourning.” Thus his father wept for him. [36] Meanwhile the Midianites had sold him in Egypt to Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the guard.

This is a devastating picture. We might even be wondering where God could be in all of this. I hope you are, because I want to show Him to you!

II. See the Providential Hand of the Sovereign God

a. Where We See God

The first place that we see God at work is in the dreams given to Joseph. This is God’s revelation of what He is going to bring about. This lets us know that the partial father and the hateful brothers are not the only ones with an agenda in this chapter. God has one as well.

The second place we see God at work is in the timing of the events that take place in the betrayal. Joseph is sent to check on the brothers and bumps into a Shechemite man, who coincidentally knows exactly where the brothers are. Joseph’s delay puts him at the very place that the Ishmaelite traders are going to pass by at the very time that they are going to pass by. Those things are not coincidental.

The last place that we see God at work here in this chapter is in where Joseph ends up. He ends up a slave in Egypt. That would have certainly rung a bell for an Israelite hearing this story for the first time.

b. What God is Doing:

God is providentially working through their dysfunction in order to accomplish His good plan to redeem and transform His people. When we “pan out” to Genesis 15, we see that God is at work in this chapter to keep His promises to Abraham and his family. God is going to make this family a great nation in Egypt. So what looks like a step back for this family is actually progress in God’s plan of redemption. And remember that God’s promises to Abraham have to do with the redemption of everything! Jesus Christ is the ultimate offspring of Abraham who will be born to this nation in order to purchase the blessing of redemption for all nations.

God is also interested in the transformation of this family. He is going to use these tragic events to eventually reconcile them to Himself and to one another. These brothers will change and come to love one another through this experience.

c. What We Learn From His Working

We see the certainty of providence in this chapter. Providence simply means that God is working all things together for our good and His glory at all times, regardless of whether He appears to be or not. And providence acknowledges the reality of unjust suffering & persecution. This is important because “that day” when the unthinkable happens is coming for all of us. When it does, we are not supposed to react like people who do not know God.

God is not evil and He is not powerless. He is providential. He is completely sovereign and completely good at the same time.

And just as God’s providential hand is going to transform this dysfunctional family, it will transform us as well if we will humble ourselves under it. Trust and hope in God and surrender to Him is what it all comes down to. A trust in God’s providential hand allows me to stop playing favorites. It allows me to trust that God has placed the people in my family and church there for me to love and to help me learn to love. A trust in God’s providential hand also pulls the rug out from under my jealousy. It allows me to rejoice with those who rejoice because it recognizes God as sovereign over all. Finally, a trust in God’s sovereignty also allows me to stomach injustice. It reminds me that God would only be allowing it if it was part of His plan to bring about a greater good in the end.

In our suffering, we need what Joseph needed: a word from God to trust and know that God is for us. We have such a word and more (Romans 8:28). According to Paul, we have a greater word than Joseph had, we have God’s love demonstrated for us on the cross (Romans 8:32), which is better than any dream we could have.

This story reminds us of another Son who pleased His Father very much. Like Joseph, this Son was sent on a mission by His Father to those who would reject Him. Like Joseph, He would be betrayed by one of His own for pieces of silver. He too was stripped and mocked and mistreated. And like Joseph, the injustice done to this Son would be used to bring about a greater good. But unlike Joseph, this Son was royalty. He is the King of Heaven. And whereas Joseph had a near death experience, this Son was butchered and died. But He did so for us, to pay for our sins, to earn our righteousness, and to conquer death for us. The cross is the ultimate story of God’s providence, where He ordained the greatest tragedy in the universe in order to bring about the greatest good in the universe: the salvation of His people. Will you come and surrender to this great and sovereign God today? And if you claim to know Him, will you trust Him?

Do Not Love the World

Charles Spurgeon, writing over 150 years ago, made the following comment: “I believe that one reason why the church of God at this present moment has so little influence over the world is because the world has so much has so much influence over the church.” If he said that then, I wonder what he would say to the church in America today? As Christian, we seem to be people who share the same passions and pursuits as the unbelieving world.

In 1 John 2:15-17, John charges Christians not to love this fallen world system, and His words are just as applicable today as they were in the first century. Those who call themselves Christians are commanded not to love this present world system and what it values. We are called rather to be SET APART from the world, living in the world, but not being of the world.

Now let me be honest with you: we need God in this area like no other. This passage is not hard, and most of you agree with everything that I have just said, and yet nearly all of us in this room treat the world like “the one that got away.” We know we need a clean break with it. We know that it is not good for us. Yet we just can’t seem to get over it. How many high school students can say that there is a marked difference between them and the other students at their school who don’t know Christ? How many adults could answer that same question concerning their context? So the question is: How do we avoid loving the world? How do we stop?

I. We Must Understand What Loving the World is and What it Implies

What “the world” is: (15-16)

When John says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world,” he is not talking about the physical “world,” but the fallen system of evil that stands in opposition to God. He’s talking about the world that began in Genesis 3:1-6. It is the “created order in rebellion against its Maker,” the kingdom of darkness (Col. 1:13) over which Satan rules (2 Cor. 4:4). Colossians 2:8 warns us against the “elementary principles of the world” that exist to take us captive. So there are principles by which “the world” operates; it has a set of values.

What it means to “love the world” and “the things in the world”:

As I said, the “world” that John speaking of begins in Genesis 3:1-6, and the essence of loving the world (worldliness) is what we see there: created beings rebelling against their Creator by trying to “be God” rather than submit to Him. Loving the world is this mentality of wanting to live and prosper and pursue happiness apart from God.

Loving the world is also when we begin to live and operate by the world’s values. It’s when those values become our own. John here gives us three values that the world has: (1) “the desires of the flesh,” (2) “the desires of the eyes,” and (3) “the pride of life,” which is pride in what one is, has, and does.

Worldly thinking wants to take the good desires that God gave us and exploit them. It wants us to be driven by them and to subject them to our own rule and not to God’s. Let’s consider them one by one.

What are the “desires of the flesh”? The flesh desires sex, sleep, food, etc. Do we not live in culture that celebrates over indulgence in these areas? We live in a culture that makes fun of people who are virgins (40 Year Old Virgin). Did you know that six out of ten high school students lose their virginity by the time they graduate high school? Did you know that 25% of those will have sex with multiple partners? The world wants us to be driven by these desires in ways that are contrary to God’s design.

What about the “desires of the eyes”? I think we all can identify with this one as well. We receive a certain amount of gratification from what we see with our eyes. Our eyes are windows into our souls, and I think what John is getting at here is the covetousness that begins with our eyes. It is when we see things that we do not have and desire them in a way that is unhealthy. This is why the porn industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. This is why modesty is not in fashion. Scripture calls men of God to make a covenant with their eyes as Job did (Job 31:1) and calls women of God to dress in ways that do not cause their brother to stumble.

And finally, let’s consider the “pride of life.” Again, this is pride in what one is, has, and does. Students, think about the clothes you wear. Why are only certain brands of clothing acceptable? It is because you love status. You want to be that guy that all the girls want. You want to be that girl that all the guys want. We adults are not immune to this either. The only thing that changes for us is what we need to keep our status. It is needing a certain vehicle, a certain career & salary, a certain house, etc.

What “loving the world” implies:

It implies that the love of the Father is not in us. It is important to understand why John is writing and in order to feel the weight of this. John putting forth three tests for genuine Christianity (Theological, Moral, Relational). Don’t miss this (15b). He is saying that people who are characterized by love for the world do not belong to God. James 4:4, says, “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

It implies that we’ve been deceived. John says, “the world is passing away, along with its desires.” When we have set our affections on this world and what it values, we’ve bought into empty promises. Is this not the message of Ecclesiastes? I want you to feel cheated by the empty promises this world has made you.

It implies that we’ve been robbed. “Worldliness is so serious because Christ is so glorious.”[1] When we love the world, we miss out on the joy and the reward of knowing and loving God forever. So many people cling to this world for dear life, afraid of what they might miss if they were to surrender all to God. It is those who love the world who have truly missed out. Those who do the will of God abide forever (17).

II. We Must Replace a Love for the World with a Love for God

The Heart Only has Room for One Treasure

There is an obvious contrast in the passage between the folly of loving the world and the wisdom of loving God. We need to see the black and white in this passage: you cannot love both. As Matthew 6:24 says, no one can serve two masters; no one can ultimately have two treasures. For some reason, we want to ignore this reality and think we can have God and the world at the same time. We cannot. It is impossible.

God is the Greater Treasure because He is the Greatest Treasure

Now here is where we have trouble. Our hearts are so rooted into the soil of this world that we have trouble seeing God as the greatest treasure in the universe. We do not believe that God is more attractive that what the world has to offer. How do I know this? I know this because I see the apathy on your face when you sing of Jesus. I know this because God’s Word sits neglected day after day in your lives. I know this because you never share your faith with anyone. You have no idea what it means to be taken with and treasure God.

Here is the bottom line: this is a truth that must be tasted by faith and that is something only God can open your heart to. I can call God the greatest treasure of all and tell you that knowing Him and loving Him is more satisfying than anything this world has to offer, but unless you have tasted this reality, you will not understand what I’m talking about.

Oh, but once you have tasted by faith, God proves to be better than anything this world has to offer. And if you ever have, you know what I’m talking about. Something in your heart and soul believes HE IS BETTER! Have you ever tasted the joy of that moment? I know that some of you haven’t, or at least that it has been a while since you have.

One of the things that has been on my heart for sometime is the apathy among our young people. Some of you have been far more in love with Jesus than you are right now. And if I’m being honest, there are some people in the church that I see Sunday after Sunday and I can't say I've ever really seen them in love with Jesus. How about some of you adults? Are you treasuring God in your life right now or have you begun to be seduced by this world? Do you remember a time when you were taken with God, but now that seems a distant memory? May God cause our hearts to remember today that He is truly is better than anything the world has to offer, that He is the greatest treasure.

God becomes our Greatest Treasure and love for the world is put to death by the cross of Jesus Christ

Paul said this in Galatians 6:14:“But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Love for the world needs to be put to death (Col. 3:1-5), and it dies at the cross. Also, treasuring and loving God starts by you seeing the beauty of God’s glory displayed on the cross. This might mean salvation, or this might mean you coming back from season of worldliness and resolving by faith to be His. The cross is the place we begin either way.

In a sermon entitled, “Lovers of Jesus,” Spurgeon also said that we must “dwell where the cries of Calvary can be heard.” Sit under preaching where the cries of Calvary can be heard. Feast upon God’s word, for there the cries of Calvary can be heard. Listen to music that the cries of Calvary can be heard in. Surround yourselves with friends who will remind you of the cries of Calvary, because it is the cries of your crucified Savior that will put worldliness in you to death and awaken a love for God. You will only fall out of love with this world by tasting by faith all that God has to offer in Christ. Will you today?

“In the end, the sum of all beauty is Christ, and the sin of all worldliness is to diminish our capacity to see him and be satisfied in him and show him compellingly to a perishing world.”[2]

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[1] C.J. Mahaney, Worldliness, 35

[2] John Piper, Worldliness, 13 (Introduction)

Divorce & Remarriage: Matthew 19:1-9, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

I heard a story this week about how our smart phones are not always that “smart.” It was about a college girl whose parents proudly had their first iPhone and could now text. One day she received a startling text from her father, "Your mom and I are going to divorce." In tears she called home, only to find the truth: the "smart phone" had completed the “d” word for them. The message was meant to be, "You mom and I are going to Disney."

The reason we laugh at such stories is because of the reality that divorce is no laughing matter. The pain of divorce is crippling and devastating. It is devastating to the two people who thought they were going to spend their lives together. No one (except for maybe celebrities) has divorce in the back of their minds on their wedding day. It is even more devastating when there are children involved, as the pinnacle of a stable relationship crumbles before their eyes and they become the victims of cruel custody battles and power plays on the part of broken parents.

Statistics tell us that approximately half of all marriages in our country end in divorce now and depending on who’s survey you look at, those numbers are about the same among professing believers. After some thought on those numbers, my conclusion is simply that there are a lot of professing believers who aren’t believers. When you consider that there are approximately 16 million professing Southern Baptists and only around 4 million of them attend church on a regular basis, it’s pretty obvious that there are a lot of professing believers who are not believers. It’s my contention that even though Christians are not immune to divorce, the numbers should be a lot lower among genuine believers. But since half of marriages do end in divorce, this issue needs to be addressed among the professing people of God and the Scriptures are not silent on this matter. And since we are wrapping up this series entitled, The Glory of God in the Homes of His People, it is an appropriate time to deal with this topic. So from Matthew 19:1-9 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16, I want to make the following four points about divorce and remarriage.

1) Scripture’s View of Marriage is One of Permanence (Matt. 19:3-8, 1 Cor. 7:10-13)

The Pharisee’s question (19:3) is intended to trip up Jesus concerning a debated concession for divorce in the Old Testament found in Deut. 24:1-4. This passage doesn’t actually prescribe divorce, but seeks to regulate the existing practice of it. The religious leaders of Jesus’ day had taken the passage and used it as a prescription for divorce, saying it was something that Moses had “commanded” (19:7). The debate surrounded what the “indecency” was that a husband could divorce his wife over in Deut. 24:1. There were two major schools of interpretation here, that of Rabbi’s Shammai and Hillel. The following quotation from the Mishnah illustrates the difference between them: “The school of Shammai says: A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her…And the school of Hillel syas: [He may divorce her] even if she spoiled a dish for him…Rabbi Akiba says, [he may divorce her] even if he found another fairer than she” (Mishnah, Gittin 9.10). The majority of Jesus’ contemporaries held this latter, very liberal view, which basically made it very easy for a husband to divorce his wife and leave her completely unprotected and un-provided for in their culture.

Jesus responds in a way that explodes this type of thinking and lifts marriage above either one of these views. He sidelines the debate over Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and goes right to the heart of God’s original design for marriage to begin with in Genesis 2:18-25 (19:4-6). In pointing to this passage, Jesus is teaching that what God was doing in the first marriage was establishing a pattern that He expected every marriage to follow. Part of that pattern was for the marriage union to be permanent. God’s design for marriage from the beginning is one man and one woman for one lifetime. Jesus states that marriage is more than just a human agreement, it is a divine union that is not to be separated by humans (19:6). We must begin any treatment of divorce here by establishing clearly that the Bible does not advocate divorce. It is a deviation of God’s original creation design (19:8). Paul expresses this same view of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:10-13,39, saying that a husband or a wife is “not” to divorce their spouse because in God’s eyes, “a wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.”

We too live in a day and culture where there is a very low view of marriage and a mindset that anyone can get a divorce for any reason. Our culture not only views getting a divorce for any cause lawful, but also as being easy and cheap. If you were to simply google the word “divorce,” you would see that cheap and easy divorce opportunities abound with sites like “divorcewriter.com” where you can get a divorce for only $149.00 “fast, lawyer-free, and 100% guaranteed.” If that is too pricy for you, you can go to “easydivorcekit.net” and only spend $29.95. There are even gender friendly sites like “divorce4her.com,” where you can have “fast and cheap divorces done right.” Divorce should be anything but fast and cheap. Our generation needs to hear the words of Jesus proclaimed that when two people get married, God is joining them together as “one flesh,” and no human being is to separate what God has joined together.

2) Scripture Only Grants Two Instances Where Divorce & Remarriage is Permissible. (permissible, not required)

Having established that the Bible’s design for marriage is that of permanence, we need to examine the two reasons that the New Testament seems to give as legitimate instances where divorce is an option. Let me start by saying a few things to clarify what we are going to see. First, these two instances are not to be seen as a license for divorce, but are meant to show how serious the marriage union is. They are serious instances that only make divorce permissible, not required.

The second thing I need to say up front is that while what I’m going to show you is the majority view among conservative, Bible-believing Christians (as well as my own), it is not the only view. There are some other views on what these passages are saying, mostly in the direction of less and less room for divorce and remarriage, not more. I’m not going to explain them all to you because it would take a lot of time and to be honest, I just feel like these passages are pretty plain in what they are saying.

The third thing I want to say is that we need to remember that divorce and remarriage are separate but related issues. The reason I make that statement is because though we are lumping them together, one should not automatically assume the other. And in cases where a divorce is not permissible, someone getting divorced and then remarried would be committing two sins, not just one.

The first instance in which we see divorce being permissible is in the case of “sexual immorality” on the part of one of the marriage partners (19:9). The Greek word here is “porneia,” which is a broad term that refers any sexual immoral act that would defile the one flesh marriage union. Jesus says that anyone who divorces their spouse and remarries on any other grounds is committing adultery, which would imply that if someone is getting a divorce on these grounds and gets remarried after such a divorce, they would not be. In the Old Testament under the Law, a spouse who was sexually unfaithful was supposed to face capital punishment (Lev. 20:10, Deut. 22:22). This is an instance where one spouse commits a sin so heinous against the other that is disrupts the one flesh union. As Paul says, a person who commits sexual immorality is becoming “one flesh” on some level with someone who is not his or her spouse (1 Cor. 6:16).

The second instance found in the New Testament where divorce and remarriage are permissible is a very unique situation that we find in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. After explicitly forbidding divorce and remarriage for two believers who are married (7:10-11), he then addresses the situation of a believer being married to an unbelieving spouse. Let me clarify something here as well: these are probably not situations where believers had married unbelieving spouses. These are situations where, as the gospel penetrated a pagan city, one spouse would respond in faith to the gospel and the other wouldn’t, which created a very tense situation in a pagan, idolatrous culture. Paul instructs believers to remain with their unbelieving spouses if their spouse is willing to continue being married, but says that if their unbelieving spouse leaves them, that they are not obligated to seek reconciliation with them. He then says in 7:15, that “In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” Because of the context and flow of Paul’s instruction, I take that to mean that they are not enslaved to what two believers in the same situation would be, which is to either remain unmarried or to be reconciled (7:10-11). God has called a believer in such a situation to peace, not the lifelong vain hope of trying to be reconciled to an unbeliever who’s abandoned them as well as the lifelong prohibition against ever enjoying the blessings of marriage to another believer.

In short, you have two situations here, one of heinous betrayal and another that is beyond a believer’s control. These instructions, I believe, are meant to protect the innocent party in both situations. That is important, especially in the case of a woman who had been cheated on or abandoned. She would be placed in a very precarious situation and these two exceptions provide her with opportunity to seek another spouse to provide for her. And again, these are two situations that make divorce permissible, not required. Even in these two situations, forgiveness and reconciliation should always be sought after until it becomes impossible, because here we are displaying Christ’s love in a powerful way, which is ultimately what marriage is meant to do. Also, I just want to repeat what we saw a few weeks ago in 1 Corinthians 7:39: that even though remarriage may be permissible, a person will be happier single and satisfied with Christ alone if they can remain so.

3) Scripture Condemns Any Other Instance of Divorce & Forbids Remarriage, Calling It Adultery.

Matthew 19:9: “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” These are some sober words for many people today. I would like to read a few other passages of scripture at this point and my prayer is simply that we would feel the weight of how serious the marriage union is to be taken. Matthew 5:31-32: “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Mark 10:11-12: “And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Luke 16:18: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” Romans 7:2-3: “For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.”

Now I want to say two things here. I don’t believe the Bible is saying that a person who gets remarried after an illegitimate divorce is living in a perpetual state of adultery, only that they committed adultery in entering into another marriage. Also, I don’t believe the Bible is saying that the marriage that they are in now is not valid. In passages like Deut. 24:1-4, God seems to recognize the new marriage once it is established. My hopes here are not to crush anyone who has had an illegitimate divorce and has been remarried now. But I believe that you do need to have an honest time of confession and repentance, and part of that repentance needs to be making your present marriage work by God’s grace. I hope this does however, serve as a sober warning to those contemplating divorce for unbiblical reasons and to those who have been through such a divorce that their options are reconciliation with their spouse or remaining unmarried.

4) Scripture Declares that There is Life After Divorce and Hope for Marriages that are Failing in the Gospel.

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Neither is adultery. But they are devastating and they are acts so heinous that they place us under the wrath of God. And so are the many other sins that we who will stay married commit every day. What we all need to hear today is that God has provided a remedy for this problem. Listen to the words of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11: Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” On the cross of Jesus Christ, every ounce of punishment that was due me for my sins was meted out. God’s wrath was satisfied and I became washed, set apart, and declared righteous before God in spite of my sins. Here is where hope begins.

The Bible also declares that for those whom God has redeemed, He has also given new hearts that enable a radical new obedience to Him (Ezekiel 36:26-27). This means that if your marriage is failing, the gospel offers you all the grace and empowering to love an unlovable spouse and to joyfully suffer and honor God even when it is hard. I believe that only Christians can truly fight for their marriages. Only Christians can truly honor God and display Christ’s covenant love in failing marriages and see their marriages redeemed. I believe this because what the Bible demands of marriage is something that only a person with the new heart that the gospel gives can experience.

If you are the innocent victim of a divorce, I hope that you do not carry the guilt, bitterness, and unforgiveness that the gospel calls you to be free from. Even in the wrongs committed against you, you can confidently say that God was at work for your good and His glory. How can you say that? You can because He did not spare His own Son to make you His (Romans 8:28-32). Walk in that truth.

I would say that the greatest tragedy in divorce is how it warps the covenant commitment and faithfulness that the world is supposed to learn about Christ and the Church. I’ve said this many times in this series so far, but Jesus Christ has been the most faithful husband to the most unfaithful bride in all of history. The church is made up of nothing but people who are spiritual adulterers to their Creator. It is His love and mercy and grace and His covenant commitment to us that is changing us. That is what the world is supposed to witness when they look into the homes of God’s people. A people who are being radically changed by a God Who is unwavering in His covenant commitment to them and who are experiencing and expressing that covenant love, mercy, and grace to one another. That is how God intends His glory to shine forth from the homes of His people.